Wednesday, April 25, 2012

thoughts for a friend...

okay, i'm having a thought i was getting ready to email someone.
and i got to thinking maybe it was a thought i should put out here.

not sure if it will make sense, but i'll try anyway...

thru bone sighs i end up conversing with a fair amount of people who
have had sexual trauma in their life. and sometimes when they begin to
share their stuff with me, they feel ashamed and 'messed up.'

'messed up' comes up a lot.

someone just mentioned that to me this morning and i tried to explain to her
that i didn't see her that way at all. she wasn't sure what i meant so i thought
i'd try it here.

there are so many layers to the sexual stuff that it has got to be so difficult to wade thru.
conflicting emotions, confusion, anger, rage, betrayal, shame and so much more.

it's not uncommon for these people to have DID which is what we call 'split personalities.'

scary stuff to share, scary stuff to live, i'm sure.

thing is......i can't help but admire the resilience of their personality. what they did to
survive amazes me and i find them courageous.

they never seem to see it that way. but i do.

so here's the thing......they survived stuff that you wonder how anyone can survive.
they're here. and they're struggling and they're growing and they're trying so hard to
find some peace.

and i can't seem to show them how gorgeous that is.

they aren't messed up.
anyone who went thru what they did would be reacting the same way.
would have the same fears, terrors, pain, agony, confusion.
anyone would.

so if you look at it that way.......couldn't it be seen as a healthy reaction?

if they do indeed have the split personalities, can't we see that as an amazing strength
to survive and cope?

they are reacting normally.

i wonder if just knowing that could bring any sense of peace.

the reactions are normal.

the road to getting to where you can refocus things inside of you, where you can feel more
at peace, where you can start to see your beauty and to grow that......well, yeah, that's a really
long road.

it's a really long road for someone who hasn't had trauma.
you got miles added on to your road with your trauma.

the road's longer. the work is harder. the feeling's lonelier.
but you yourself aren't 'messed up.'
you yourself are coping and managing and walking down the road.

how cool is that?!

you don't see it cause you're clouded with the messed up feeling.
but i see it.
and yeah, i can hold it for you for a bit if you like until maybe you can even think
about holding the idea.

that's what i wanted to put out here.

i told her earlier that if i could do one thing for her, if i could change one thing, it would be
to show her that she's not messed up. i wish i could do that.

i thought i'd at least write out my thoughts here.
and maybe give someone the idea that maybe....just maybe.....they really are okay.


Susan said...

whooo... tears. love you Ter

terri st. cloud said...

thanks, sus......

K.C. Jones said...

That was beautiful. I'll have to print this out for my friend who is ashamed of her DID.

Mary Ellen said...

So beautifully said, with so much caring
, gentleness & true support. I know some omen I could share this with but I also know they won't allow me to bring up anything that reminds them of their abuse.

Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

My heart aches for those who are dealing with their issues and who feel like it's somehow "them" who are messed up, when it's really the situation that's messed up and not them at all. Like you so beautifully put it Ter, they are the courageous ones, they are the ones who are fighting hard and trying to heal. There's nothing messed up in that.

Sherry said...

It is really amazing when you think about it...the capacity of the human mind and spirit to transcend the horrors that have happened. It may not fit in with the assumed expectations of society, but that's a sign that society needs to adjust its expectations, to allow understanding for the reality that it creates.
Hearts to the people struggling with this, and kudos Terri for pointing it out. :)