vulnerability

i've been thinking about vulnerability lately.....
how that feelin' scares me a lot.

i was proud of myself for actually tellin' my partner
i felt that way recently. i thought that showed growth!

my gosh, just SAYING i FEEL it was hard!

tryin' to do more than that seems just about impossible
at times....

but i can remember several times when i fought hard
against the feeling.......knowing that i'd never really feel
love if i didn't get past it....and knowing i made major
breakthrus when i did get past it.

then i read this last nite....

'to let love in requires us to melt - to dissolve our hardened
defenses and let down our guard. receiving love is more
threatening than giving it because receptivity requires
opening which feels vulnerable...."
(john welwood-perfect love, imperfect relationships)

and i got to thinking......
i'm lucky enough to have someone really close that i
really really trust.
wouldn't it be cool if i could say 'bring on the vulnerability!
because i know it's okay here. bring it on. let me toss it
over my shoulder and dive right on in!"

oh my gosh.
wouldn't that be cool?!

why can't i?
it's only a mindset.
i really could do this.
and it'd really be okay.
it would be way beyond okay.

hmm.......i'm thinking it's science experiment time.
with a long weekend ahead of me.......

bring on the vulnerability! i'm gonna give this a try!