happiness

i hit the magic time this morning.
i got out just before the sun came up.
ah man......it's gorgeous.

i caught different angles of the sky
and different colors coming up in different
parts.

over here was this golden winter glow....
stunning.
i just stood and looked at it.
it held all the deep winter moods inside
its colors.

over here were the colors of summer just
poppiin' out all over and teasin' us....
i looked at them and laughed.
the colors reminded me of colors i'd wear
in the summer...reminded me of beaches and
popsicles and watermelon.

it was completely glorious.

two completely different moods in two different
spots in the sky. how cool.

i felt so good just looking and feeling the
cold.

i thought about being healthy.
i had exercised again this morning. feels
so good to be back at it. i've been eating
pretty good, and i just want to be healthy.

thought of how much happiness has got to play
into that.

it's got to be a huge huge factor.

i want to kinda concentrate on happiness this week.
i just decided that.

i'm pretty happy.
i walked and thought of all the things i do right.
(that's unusual....it's usually what i do wrong!)
but i thought of having a job i love, having a partner
i love, sons i love, a life i love.....all that's
gotta be good for your health, ter.

but i get stressed and sad and all that stuff.
and yeah, i know.....it's part of life.

but i think i want to concentrate on happiness this
week. kinda like a science experiment.
i want to pay attention to it, harvest it, embrace it,
encourage it, hunt it down if i have to.

i want to pay more attention to my moods and my
health.

i know i can't be happy all the time.
but i sure can work on the worry and the stress!
and be okay with sadness.

so i just wrote happiness down on my desk.
it's gonna be my science experiment this week.....

rejoicing in you!

i tried to send this card out to a whole buncha
people in my life who matter to me....but ya know,
i couldn't get everyone! but i did get a few!!!

but because of not having snail mails and about a
thousand other reasons, some of you did not get
one! so i'm putting it here for you. it may not
be in your mailbox, but it's so in my heart.

not sure if you can read this or not....so on the
cover it says:
turning her twinkling eyes towards me,
she grinned.
i'm embracing my life! she said.
rejoicing in it!
and it just wouldn't be
the same at all
without you!

and inside it says....
just so you know....you matter.


and just so you know.....
i mean it.

uneasy

so okay, three different things happened
to me this weekend that kinda opened my eyes
to my inner workings or something.

not sure how to explain it.

but what happened was it all left me feeling
way like an alien.

i really don't like feelin' like an alien.

but here i am.
feelin' like one.

it's not a real trusting spot to be in.

i'm kinda suspicious of life.
of me.
it's a different twist on self doubt, i think.

so i walked and wondered.
and decided that this is where i'm at right now
and that instead of wallowing in the feeling,
why not just know i've got it and try something
different.

like trusting thru it.

like saying 'okay, maybe i am an alien.
maybe just maybe i don't fit anywhere. and maybe
i'll trust that. and trust life. it's led me to
some really good places. let me just trust while
i feel insecure here.'

and i think i really like this idea.

and i think i can make it just more than words.

i think i can do it.

so i'm feelin' a little weird this morning.
uneasy.
but thinking i'm going to take that uneasy feeling
and hand it to the universe.

and go concentrate on what i need to do today.
at the same time...i wanna watch.

cause i feel like there's something to watch for.
even if i don't know what it is.....

good morning world!

THIS is my goodmorningworld spot.

and yes...it's on the corner of a neighborhood
road and a highway. across the street is a
shopping center. it's not a glamorous spot at all.
and yet, it's the place if i turn my back to the
highway, pretend the car sounds are the river,
and look at the trees, it's almost as good as
being in vermont!

and in this picture.....you just might think i am!

that tree directly behind me is the tree that i relate
to up there. it seems to know my moods!

wanted to share....

payments

we were walking, checkin' out the snow
sights and we chatted.

i mentioned someone we knew who shoveled
the same amount of driveways as yo and
his brothers, only he got paid for it.
i mentioned how much money he made.

'i guess i kinda raised you wrong,' i
smiled. 'you coulda been out there makin'
money and i taught you to go out there and
be nice.'

i laughed.
'sorry about that.'

he smiled.
'oh, i'd much rather do it because i cared
about people. if you're gonna be out there
all day shovelin', that's what's gonna keep
you goin'. i wouldn't want to do that for
money.'

what a cool thought.
i hadn't really thought of that.
yeah.
i agree.

our talk turned to this shot for a picture
and what about this one...and we meandered
home.

as we passed one of the houses the guys
dug out, the man who lived there came towards
us. he was walkin' with his cane.
he's due in next week for a knee operation.

he met us at the street, cane in hand
and thanked yo for what he and his brothers
had done. he was really appreciative.

yo was real gracious about it and the man
just kinda stopped, cocked his head and
looked at him.

'i like you.' he said.

just like that.

and then he turned to me and told me i had
some great sons and looked back at yo
and repeated himself.

'i like you.'

what a cool moment.

what a totally cool moment.

i do believe yo just got paid.

some things never change...

i lay there under the stars with snow
under me and i remembered a nite 32
years ago. i was 16. it was winter.
it was snowing. it was nite.

i lay down under the trees in my yard
and looked up at the sky.

i wondered what life was about and
where i was goin'.

i just lay there and let the snow fall
on my face as i wondered about it all.

i remembered that tonite.
i remembered that young girl.
full of so many many good things.

and i looked up at the sky and wondered
what life was about and where i was goin.

and i smiled.

whispering to the stars....

the guys had been out for hours.
they shoveled everyone out.
they are amazing and totally deserve
halos!

i shooed them in, telling them i'd
be along after i got some snow off a
few more trees.

'there's stew on the stove,' i hollered
and headed off to finish up.

the snow was so deep, i actually got
stuck in it, tryin' to clear my window
box! my foot got stuck, i fell backwards
just laughing. i just lay there laughing.
my gosh. i love this stuff.

got myself up and headed back to the
trees.

once i finished that.....it was the time
i had been waiting for.

i found just the perfect spot in my back
yard.

ohhhhhh my gosh.
it GLISTENED with sparkles everywhere.
it was a blanket of diamonds.

i plopped down on my back and just looked
up at the sky thru the snow covered branches.

my gosh.
it was so beautiful.

i lay flat on my back with my legs bent at
the knees and that actually worked. the snow
was that deep!

at one point i sat up and looked over at
my kitchen window. the lights were on and
i could see the hearts hangin' everywhere.

i looked up at the sky, and down at the snow
and just fell back again.

and i whispered to the stars:

she lay on a blanket of diamonds looking
up at a sea of diamonds and thanked god
for this gift she was given called life.

it still's coming down!!!

the snow keeps falling.
i have never ever gotten to witness
this kinda beauty before in my whole life.

i went out before the guys this morning,
cause i just couldn't wait any longer!

as i wandered KNEE DEEP outside, a plow
came by. i swear, it was as if i was
five. i stopped and watched and waved
and waved and waved.

the guys came out just a bit after that
and we started diggin' out the driveway
and cars.

and the plow man came thru again.
this time he stopped.
i ran up to the plow to say hello.

he rolled down the window and asked
'are we having fun yet?'
he most certainly was not and figured
no one else was either.

ohmygosh yes! i hollered up at him.
and laughed.

i asked him if he was tired, and how
long he'd been goin'. and told him we
appreciated him.

he looked beat. and had been goin' for
a long time......and would be back at it
tonite.
he headed off and i turned back to
the driveway.
but i got distracted.
and went to go shake a tree off.
and then another.
and then this one over here.
oh. look at this one. better get this
one.

and before i knew it i was trudgin'
knee deep all over my back yard.
i would stand under the branches and
shake the snow off only to have it land
all over me! and i'd laugh and cackle and yell
out 'it's a double blizzard!' and laugh
some more.

i was truly carryin' on like a five year
old in my back yard.

i don't know what came over me.
it was as if i knew no one could see me and
the whole world was mine.

and i loved it.

i made my way back out front, back to my
guys in the driveway. i leaned against my
car completely outta breath.

'i do not remember when i have felt this
good before!' i announced.

i absolutely and totally love winter.
i absolutely and totally love feelin' free
and just bein'. i think snow gives me that
for some reason.

later as i looked out my kitchen window
at the tracks i had made thru the back yard,
i laughed.
definitely the tracks of a person with
attention deficit! they zig zagged everywhere!

i've now dried off, had lunch, called bob
chicken for not braving 20 inches of snow
and his unplowed road that he told me he'd
do to come see me and settled in with a cup
of coffee and some work.

and the snow keeps falling.

the beauty of winter sweeps thru me and i
can just barely stand it it's so big.

i look out my window at these white trees
and i think i am the luckiest person alive.

snow and snow and snow again

ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!

we're havin' the most snow i do believe
i've ever seen!! it is SUCH fun!

the guys began round one of shoveling
out three neighbors that need a hand and
us. they are such good guys. that was
round one of about seven rounds, i bet.

i was a lame helper. takin' it slow and
watchin' my back. i cleared cars and trees.
kinda lame. but fun.

we finished up. thought we were headin' in
when zakk bounded over like a puppy and said
'we gonna take a walk?!"

i looked at his feet.
soakin' wet chucks.

you sure??? i asked.
yep.
and he proceeded to tell us all that chucks
really were the perfect snow boot.

goofy guy.

and so the guys and i took a walk last nite.
at one point i couldn't feel it.
is it still snowing? i asked. it was
dark, we were under the trees. i took
my hat off. i wanted to feel the storm.

i can't feel it.

zakk tried too.
he couldn't either.

we all decided we were numb and the
snow was blowin' on our backs.

when we turned the other way we could
feel it! oh! there it is! it was blowin'
ice in our faces!

i kept my hat off to 'feel the storm.'

there was a noise and everything flickered
around us! then got dark. the parking lot
across the highway lost it's power.

as we walked back, there was more flickering.
at one point the whole sky lit up from it.

um.
maybe we're in a bad spot, i said.
and walked a little faster.

that's when it really hit me that we REALLY
might lose power and then what would we do
with our elderly neighbor? we couldn't keep
her warm.

i needed to talk to my other neighbors. it
was a little late. i hesitated. yo said
'we shoveled his driveway, you can go knock
on his door.'

i love these guys sometimes.

i went over. a light was on. it was ten
o'clock. i still knocked.

'terri! your cheeks are so red!' was the
greeting i got.

my neighbors are so good.

told him we needed a back up plan for our
elderly neighbor and he had a fireplace.
'i know it's not my place to inflict neighbors
on you.' i told him....but she's old. and
i'm not exactly sure how it works, but old
people die in this stuff.'

ever eloquent.

he has the best heart in the world and was
on it. he was our emergency back up plan.

all was right with the world.
i headed in.
looked in the mirror and gasped.

i have NEVER seen my cheeks so red.
it was as if i painted red on them like
a clown!

my hair was soaked.
and i was shivering.

and i felt so happy i could burst.

and now. we made it thru the nite with power!
the snow is still falling.
bob's gonna come over anyway and spend
the day here.

and for a little bit,life is white, beautiful
and perfect.

i could not be happier.