it was when i was tryin' to find better health insurance....
(which i STILL haven't found) that i fell apart.
it hit me. i'm gonna get old. i need to think about the
future. where will i be? what will i be doin'???
and i fell apart.
i've since pulled it together.......but have a lost feeling
inside. very similar to the one i had when i started
bone sigh arts in the first place. i remember walking,
and asking.........help........lead me. guide me.......
and then i'd listen real close to my heart.
well, that's all starting up again.
and i've been buried in the worldly concerns.
business thoughts, brainstorming, ideas, anything
to shut up the fear inside of me.
and then today, my son mentioned the kid he knew
that recently killed himself. he had to get something out
about it, and needed to talk. so we did. and it brought
up a lotta stuff. he even hesitated as he knew it would.
having just lost someone else in our life to suicide, he
knew darn well it would have to dredge all that stuff up,
and he didn't want to drag me thru the emotions again.
i told him it was okay. that i was okay.
and we talked.
not long.
but long enough for me to remember.......
it is ALL about the heart.
followin' my heart.
reaching out to others.
trying to help people see they matter.
i HAVE to. i'm filled with that. i HAVE to.
and i gotta be okay with that.
because that's what my heart's tellin' me to do.
sitting and holding that, i feel less lost....more confused.
but less lost!
i guess it's time to just put it out there to the universe
and say lead me........
i guess it's another put your money where your
mouth is moment.
do you trust and believe in the path or not, terri??
gulp.
okay.
i'm in.
bring it on.
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