fuzzy forgiveness

ya know.........the older i get, the more confused i get.
i used to see things so clearly.
now nothing makes sense.

talkin' to someone travelin' one heck of a hard road today.
and mixed into her travels is hatred.
and yeah, i totally understand it.
figure i'd have it too if i were her.

we talked today of what she should do with that.
where she should hopefully eventually end up with it.....
and the word 'forgiveness' came to mind.
but ya know.......it just felt impossible.

i stumbled.
stuttered.
hesitated.
then said.....ya know i was gonna say 'forgivenes'
but that's so hard to even put out there as a possibility.

and it occurred to me that, once again, i was lost with
stuff i've held true my whole life.

always thought you had to forgive everything.

and yeah......the very word 'forgiveness' is slippery and
i should define what i mean.
not sure what i mean......so i can't define it.
one of the best descriptions i've ever read of forgivenss
was in the book 'women who run with the wolves.'
think i'd better go back and read that part........

the point tho.......
if i could pick where she should end up, i don't know where
i'd pick.

and i think fifteen years ago, i woulda hopped on the
forgiveness train.

i told her that.

she said 'maybe acceptance.'
and i leaped on that.
yeah! acceptance.
that sounded right.

and i'm thinking maybe that would fit in with that definition
in that book......
something about not dwelling on it, letting it go,
not making it your story where it runs your life.
that kinda thing. that sometimes that's forgiveness.

and maybe that's the best you can get to sometimes.

and maybe that's okay.

funny how much fuzzier it all gets the older i get...