shame

okay.
it's not just anyone i talk body issues with.
ugh.
but she's not just anyone.
she's someone i trust.
and she asked if she could ask me some questions.

i've known for a long time it's one of my biggest
hurdles. wondered how much i could really tell her.

i heard my voice quiver several times.

and i think prolly the biggest thing to come up
was the realization of the shame that's way way
down at the bottom of it all.

shame???

wow.

we talked of all the reasons for that shame.
but the thing i'm kinda stuck on right now is
that there IS shame.

i hate shame.

and i just uncovered a darn pool of it.

i told her it was odd. my tendency is to really
give a lot of thought to the things that eat at me.
and i mentioned how i knew i never went near this
issue, except in a surface, shallow way. and i knew that.
but didn't do anything about it.

well there ya go.
that would be why.

who the heck wants to go swimmin' thru the pool
of shame to figure out what's up???

thing is, i can't quite figure out how you can truly
open your heart if you've got a pool of shame way
down deep.

great.
just great.
this is sounding like a lotta work to me......

well i guess when you're ready, you face these things.

i don't know how far i'll get.......but i think i'm ready to
start.
no.
strike that.

i have just begun.