ya know, it just isn't easy, is it?
in the last few hours i've spent time reading a book
in hopes of finding thoughts to offer a mom dealing
with the death of her daughter and then i spent time with
a dad struggling hard not to lose his son.
coming up will be time with the son tossing so many
things away.
in between all that stuff i saw a lot of pain, confusion,
frustration, and lost opportunities.......
i'm anxiously awaiting the return of my sons this evening.
i just want to look at them and hear them laugh.
i want security. i want things to turn out 'good,' i want
to control it all and make it all okay.
yeah, right.
okay....maybe i just want to go hide under the covers.
i can't control, i can't hide.
where's that leave me?
living.
that leaves me living the best i can.
how?
how do i do that?
how do i live the absolute best that i can
and know it's not mine to control?
i spose the answer is always and always
will be......with an open heart.
my god........whoever figured it'd be so darn
hard?
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Excerpts from “The Invitation”
“When I imagine myself as an old woman at the end of my life and ask myself how I will evaluate my time here, there is only one question that concerns me: Did I love well? There are a thousand ways to love other people and the world – with our touch, our words, our silences, our work, our presence. I want to love well. This is my hunger. I want to make love to the world by the way I live in it, by the way I am with myself and others every day. So I seek to increase my ability to be with the truth in each moment, to be with what I know. This is what brings me to the journey. I do not want to live any other way. And sometimes, I allow myself to imagine that each moment in which we love well by simply being all of who we are and being fully present allows us to give back something essential to the Sacred Mystery that sustains all life.”
”I cannot save myself, nor those I love, from the sorrow that is part of life. Knowing this, it is tempting to protect myself from pain by simply closing a little to life, especially in the areas where I have been hurt, in the areas that matter most…We live in a culture that wants only the times of fullness, that often denies outright the fading times. We have forgotten that there can be no full moon without the existence at other times of the tiny sliver of light surrounded by darkness. The fullness of summer is held, on the opposite side of the wheel, by the time of the longest night. To be separated from these cycles of the world, from the births and deaths, is to be separated from life itself. But still we work frantically, seeking the knowledge that will put humans outside this natural cycle of blossoming and decay.
“And all the while, deep inside, I know what I have always known: that the knowledge will never be enough. This is the secret we keep from ourselves. And the moment is revealed, we become aware of a need for something else: for the wisdom to live with what we do not know, what we cannot control, what is painful – and still choose life. And all the while, wisdom asks us to choose life. She does not want us to just continue, to hang on, to survive. She asks us to experience life actively, fully, every day – to show up for all of it.”
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
perhaps this will help?
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