since opening my heart is one of my big goals,
the times i don't, or the times i shut down, or the
times i roll up the gates get my attention.
i saw something today....
when i close down, i want to.
i want to close.
i don't want to be open.
is that a no brainer???
i guess it must be.
thing that confuses me is i've closed down before and wanted
to open up badly, but couldn't....or it took awhile.
so maybe i confused myself and thought i wanted to open before.
but if i wanted to, wouldn't i just do it??
i don't know.
you would think.
i know this time i saw i just didn't want to.
ultimately, i know i do.
but not so ultimately i don't.
this is prolly a tug between spirit and ego or something.
ego wins out temporarily, and hopefully, spirit will win out
in the long run....
i started to fight ego....and then said 'eh, what the heck.'
figure a little sleep and spirit has a better chance.....
what an incredible journey.
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