muddled and cloudy and okay with that...

walkin' and thinkin'.....
feelin' really fuzzy brained this morning and likin' it.
just driftin' amoung the clouds....
no answers, just watchin' and wonderin'......

went something like this.....

if i think that everyone deserves love. everyone has
beauty inside them... (okay...we'll eliminate the evil stuff
for now and keep this easy...as that stuff gets me really
confused!!)everyone's worthy.

so, bottom line.....everyone's worth loving.

if that's the bottom line,
what gets in the way of self love?

'i'm not worth it.'

'i don't deserve it.'

'i'm bad.'

'they deserve more than i do.'

well..um.....that doesn't go with my bottom line.
that doesn't fit.

so what are those things?
self doubt?

and then i started thinking about self doubt.

doesn't even have to be specifically SELF doubt.

doubt.

that stuff's poison.
and i carry far too much poison in my pocket.

if we KNEW we were worthy, valuable, seeable, worth
loving......if we KNEW that.....wouldn't it change
everything?

and so my focus kinda changed over here.....
while the GOAL is the same....self love......
the focus changed to DOUBT......

eliminating the doubt.

how do you do that???

then i thought of arrogance.
isn't that when there's no doubt of your value?
won't you become arrogant if you have no self doubt??
and i laughed.
NOOOOOO.......
it is SO opposite that. i think arrogance is when
you're doubting so big time you gotta convince yourself....
and it just doesn't work. you think it works, but my gosh,
you're walkin' around in such a big head game.

so i don't really think there should be a fear of arrogance...
this is not separating you like arrogance does......
this is inclusive.
what you apply to yourself, you apply to everyone.
everyone's valuable. everyone's worthy.

so why aren't you?

core beliefs??

okay.
focus changes from self love to self doubt to core beliefs.

how do you change core beliefs???

maybe you open your eyes and look.

maybe it's that simple.

so why don't you???
what's that about???

what's the security in not seein' your own beauty,
value, worth??????

what the heck is the security there?
and how is it so strong it could hold your entire life
in its hands??

i sit with the questions today not hangin' on tight like
i usually do.......but just watchin'........
it feels almost comical this morning to be in the middle
of this muddle called life....