power tools.....

i was just talking about this twice to two different
people in an hour, so i'm thinking maybe i want to type it
out...

i just heard myself say 'i feel like a little kid with some
new tools. i'm jumpin' around thrilled i have them, but not
sure how to use them yet!'

and that is so what i'm feeling.

i've been looking around me for the last few days and realizing
big time that i really don't have any problems. my problems are
emotional growth kinda things.....but they aren't the real, tough
life stinks stuff that so many people around me are dealing with.
stuff i've had in the past......but don't have now!!
i very clearly see how good i have it.
and i very clearly feel grateful about that.
(this is the tool i'm talking about. this would be my new power
drill that i don't know how to work yet.....)

at the same time, i'll get sad about something, overwhelmed about
something else, heavy with yet something else. all very valid things.
all things that matter and do produce sad feelings.

here's where the tool part comes in.....
i look down at my new power drill (gratitude and perspective)
and think....okay...i'm sad, overwhelmed, heavy, BUT i know i
am so darn lucky at the same time.

stop.
pause.

this is NOT the thing that you hear when you're down and annoys
you so.....you know......."think about the people starving in
africa. you really don't have any problems, so spunk up, get up
and get over yourself." that can drive you nuts when you're hurting.

it's a real deep down knowing that it really could be a whole lot
worse and i really can handle this.

i want to learn the balance.
learn the balance of holding things, feeling feelings, hurting...
and knowing that it's not all that bad.

i want to learn the balance of feeling the sad and letting it be
there without having it take my whole life away with it.

and i think i am.
i mean, i'm seein' the power drill sitting there for real for the
first time ever.

i'm thinking things like 'what REALLY matters here?'
and using perspective at times i never could before.....

i feel like i've got the drill at my feet, the manual in my hands...
but it's printed in CHINESE!
grin.

i don't quite understand it yet.....
but maybe with a little trial and error, i can figure it out.