something i can control

watchin' around me and inside of me,
and thinking...

was wonderin' where all those fairy tale type
endings were. not just with me....all around me.
then it kinda hit me.
what would i rather watch? a fairy tale movie or
a movie about courage and strength that was complicated
and intricate and unpredictable.

well, yeah, i wanted the fairy tale.

grin.
just kidding.
i want the intricate unpredictable.
the stuff that builds souls.

that led me to think about strength and power.
i do believe the 'bad guys' can win.

that's a fairly new belief of mine, and one that
has come hard and shaken me to the core.

but now, instead of wallowing in the fear of that
thought....i am now turning to questions that can
get me somewhere with it all.

how much can they take?
how much do they win?

maybe that's where the power is. and maybe that's
all we ever have control over.

do we let them destroy our lives, or do we take
control over that?

i want control so much in my life. if that's the only
place i have any, why would i let it go because
it's hard work????

sounds so clear when i type it out. then i go to three
different life situations i know of. one of my own, two
of friends around me. and none of them are clear,
the obstacles incredibly big, with heartbreak mixed
thru all of them.

there lies the soul making stuff.

how much am i going to let them win?
how much am i going to let them take?
how much am i going to give away?

that's my choice, isn't it?
no one else's.

as i watch my friends with their struggles.....
i see clearly.......it's up to us.

time to actively do something about it all.
at least, for me it is.....

i don't think i can passively shake it all from me.
i just have to figure out what 'actively' would be
for this......

ideas are already starting to come in...
thinking i just need to open my heart and listen right
now.