forever letting go....

life can be complicated.
or is it me that complicates it?

there's a possible event in my world....
that's up in the air today.
i'll find out later if it's a go or not.

if it IS a go, there's a lotta internal
struggle and figurin' out how to take care
of everyone in the situation.

if it's NOT a go, there's a lotta internal
struggle and figurin' out how to take care
of everyone in the situation.

okay.
so now i'm laughing.
that isn't a good sign.

have i learned no lessons this past month?!
ter......hellooooo........what's the biggest
lesson you got lately?!
um.
um.
oh yeah.
i can't take care of everyone.

i can't fix anything.

oh yeah.
that one.

i don't like that one.

but remember?!
you found a lotta freedom in that one.

yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
but i gotta watch a lotta hurt too.

yeah but you get to see the process of
people becoming who they are and taking
their stuff and making it part of them.

you get to watch people become.

ohhhh.....
is that what this is??

yeah.
i guess it is.
either way, i guess it is.

okay.
but um.
what if i don't trust a couple of the
key players to become something positive???

well, excuse me, ms. control freak.....
what is positive?
where does it all take them?
you can't know.

but what if who they become hurts another
that i care about???

maybe it's in that hurt that the other
travels the road that he needs to travel.

sigh.

you don't know a thing,
you can't control a thing,
and you can't predict a thing.

all you can do is let go and allow.

let go.
and allow.

shoot.

it always seems to come back to that.