a little help from my friends....

so. okay.
i sat myself down, had a talk with myself.
told myself not to close down.

so.
yeah.
then there was this huge wrestling match
inside me.

oh man.

wouldn't you think it'd get easier as you
went along???

and well.....to be fair.......i guess it has.
in a way. the struggles come at different times
now. they aren't as quick.
but still totally as intense.

so i had help.
help not to close.
thank goodness.

he knew it was happening.
guess he's been down this road before, huh?
and asked about it.

there's a trick tho....
he asks the right way.
with a 'help me so i can understand' thing
thrown in there.

shoot.

if someone asks me to help them.....
then my nature is to help them.

so that works well.
i think he knows that.
it gives me the nudge to try harder.

that really helps me.

i couldn't have opened today without him.
true.
and yet, i know he's a huge part of the
reasons i wanted to close.

so.
i sit here and wonder.......
does opening...really opening....take
more than one person? do i need more than
me to make it happen?

well. yeah. i guess. you need someone to
open to. no brainer.
but i mean it differently....
i need that trust in him to make it happen.

that's trust outside of myself.....

do i need that to make it happen?

how does that play in to it all?

and then yet at the same time it's the pushing
of those trust limits that make the closing
start in the first place.

this has got to be one of those yin yangy
things. where the opposites intertwine
with each other and make me crazy.