the most awesomest moments

apparently something that attracted him
to me at first was my joy. which i find
really weird as we met in the middle of
my darkest time. guess there were still
joyful moments and he saw those.

well, the poor guy's been stuck with a lotta
sad for the past good bit of time....
which is a bum deal when you walked into it
all for the joy of it....

but he's hung in there like a champ.

the joy has been creeping back tho...and
recently it made a leap back in. the slappin'
the table laughter has been back full force
this week.

and yesterday the playing was filling the
house. as we were horse playin' and i was
hollerin' to be treated like a lady as i
wrestled and hit and tugged and pushed, the
laughin' got goin' pure and free....

i looked at his eyes. he was so happy.
he loves to play. and i was back playin'
with my heart wide open.

and i realized something....

somehow my bein' happy makes him happy.
it's like a gift i can give him.
but it's a gift for me, isn't it?
me bein' happy is my gift for me.
but i saw it...it's more than for me.
it's his gift too.

that's part of bein' so intertwined.
that's part of carin' and lovin' and
sharin'...

there's been a lotta love all the way
thru with us. thru the sad and the fun...
i can feel it and i know it....but there
are certain moments when it blinds me.

and somehow in that muddly horseplayin'
moment, i got blinded again....

and in that blindness......i can see.

it's the most awesomest moments.