offering confusion

i've been stuck on the 'offering' topic for
months now. what is it i have to offer? what's
the point of offering? do we all have something
we 'should' be offering???

what if you're a brilliant sculptor and you
don't want to share that part of yourself, but
you will go out and offer yourself at the
soup kitchen or whatever? does that work? that's
an offering. and a darn good one.

does it have to be something you're 'talented'
at? does it have to be anything at all?
what's the point of offering?

that would bring you to what's the point of life??
everything brings me there....

oh wow.
more questions for the offering theme!

and something came at me from a little bit of a
different angle today after conversing with a
friend....

i haven't a clue what the purpose of life is.
and i think i'll never know.
so i've kinda 'settled' into concentrating on
HOW i live that life. not so much WHY.
(altho, the why forever creeps back in...)

maybe offering is like that too......
maybe it's not why, or what.....maybe it's the
how.

okay. let me see if i can get this. bear with me.

if i have a talent and i keep it to myself
what i am ultimately doing is affecting myself.

it doesn't so much matter about those around me.

woe.
hang on.

could it be an offering really isn't about the world
around you but really about yourself?!!

oh wow.
brand new thought.

if i concentrate on how i live, then i have to choose
which way works for me.
everyone's gonna have a different how.

i am inclined to think my how is all about tryin' to
open and be as authentic as possible.

then everything i do would be with that goal in mind.

if something is part of me, does sharin' it make it
more authentic?? why does sharing it have to be part of it?

because to be able to share, i have to believe that
that part of me is okay. to be authentic, i have to
be as honest and real as i can. i have to have the
ABILITY to share.

(and i believe with my whole heart, that doin' that
touches everyone around you)

hiding parts of myself hurt the ability to be
authentic. sharing parts of myself teach me strength
in my realness. my belief in whoever i am gets
stronger. i can grow into my realness.

i can also get creamed in my realness, kicked in the
teeth, and learn to hide better! that's the callenge...
that's the struggle....

i don't think i necessairily have to share a thing...
i just need to BE ABLE to share it.

it's the motivation, the thoughts behind it, the fears....
that's the stuff that drives the how of your life.

a long time ago i did an audio recording about this same
thought.....something about the who or the how. something
odd. i think i have to go listen! grin. i've forgotten
everything i was thinking......but this stuff has been
roamin around in my head for years now!!

it's not about having a talent.
it's not about having anything.
it's about being.

talent doesn't matter.
that's a 'have.'

but offering......i think that's a 'be.'
that's a doing.

and maybe it's not doing anything that i had originally
thought it was.
maybe what it's doing is growing me.

and maybe......here's the kicker......maybe by it growing
yourself......then you ultimately are offering something
to the world.

wow.
i gotta sit with all of this.....