runnin'

she's always been symbolic to me.

and you know, that's not fair, is it?
i told her goin' in to the whole thing...
she felt like a mom to me, and it felt like
i really needed one.

she told me goin' in......she had lost a
daughter to adoption who would be my age....
and that was okay with her.

but it's not okay.
it's okay to love someone really deeply,
and to care....and to need them in some ways.

but it's not okay to look at them for stuff
we can give ourselves.....or even for stuff
that no one can give us.

i'm tellin' myself this now because i just
hung up with her. it's been way too long since
we've chatted. and as i hung up i saw how
much i've missed her.

and it hit me as to why i've been so distant
lately.....there's been a lot on my plate, yes.
but she's the one i always went to when life
was too much for me. so that's not it.

what is it, ter?
oh.
yeah.
yeah.
um.

i ran and hid from her.
i thought i was gonna lose her. and it was just
too much in a string of too many things.

and so i stepped aside....
tried to distance myself.

man.
how dumb is that?
how selfish is that?
how is it i keep thinking running is a protection??

running is not a protection, girl.
and you have got to stop doin' it.

all this talk of opening your heart....
and you sure are an expert at closing it.

she's a treasure in my life.
and as far as i can see, we only have a certain
time with treasures. we gotta grab 'em and be
grateful for the time we have.

and when it's over......we have to look at
what we had. not what we lost.

if i hide from it now.....what have i got???

i think i have a phone call to make......