acceptance

so i see something in him that he doesn't see.
i don't know what you'd call it....
a blind spot, i guess.
that's not really it....but we'll use that.

thing is....i know i had a very similar one when
i first met him....

his is harder than mine was. and mine was pretty
stinkin' hard. that helps me remember to cut some
slack....

so like is he the only one?
nah.
and i know that.

it was only last week i was wonderin' if i could
ever really get past someting because of what i
carried inside about it.

it's everyone, isn't it?

thing i can learn here is how to treat myself about
my own stuff.

with him....i love him, and know he's doin his best.
i figured out he doesn't have to ever get it. it's
his actions all around that matter....and who he is.

i can flip that on me.
i don't have to ever get it. it's who i am that
matters.

i get pretty focused on the wanting to 'get it.'
like with this thing last week...i could just feel
the burning desire to let go of something so i can
really get something else.

i don't have to. at least not right away anyway.

i used to have a counselor who would just shake her head
at my impatience to get something NOW. she'd shake that
head of hers and say 'terri, it took you forty years to
create this stuff, why do you think you can uncreate it
in a week??"

i didn't tell her i really thought i could uncreate it in
a day....an hour...a moment.

i still kinda think that....
and maybe that's the frustration sometimes.
don't know.

but i know as i look at him and accept him for all he is,
i know i have to do that for myself......