lack of trust bein' a good thing....

he told me a story last nite about a couple
that's no longer a couple. it's a sad story.
a break up story. it's been ongoing. this was
just another chapter in the saga.

do these stories scare you? i asked him.
they scare me, i said as i cuddled up real close.

he wrapped his arms around me and told me that
we were doin' okay. that we didn't have anything
holdin' us together but us and that was workin'
for us.

i scrunched up my face not exactly sure how to
take that observation....
he clarified by pointing out we weren't financially
tied, no house to worry about, no kids to keep us
together....it was honestly just because we wanted
to be with each other. no outside ties. and that kept
us tryin' harder for each other.

oh yeah.
okay. i'd buy that.

but this morning i'm not so sure.
it's not that easy is it?

there's a million outside ties to watch for.....
maybe not anything you can hold like car keys or
house keys...
but there's needs. needs that turn unhealthy.

i don't think we're there at all. i think we're
doin' one heck of a job tryin' to keep it healthy.
i know we're doin' good.

but that's a forever challenge.

and i want to talk to him about that.....

i thought about myself this morning. is it that
i really don't believe in love?

no.
not at all.
i totally believe in love.

is it that i don't trust love??

no.
not at all.
it's not love that i don't trust....

it's the nature of being human.....
the settling in, the taking for granted, the
tiring of working so hard.....
that stuff i don't trust.

and it's that lack of trust that will keep me
workin' at it.....

i'm thinking that's a good thing.