bein' vulnerable

i can actually be pretty protective of my
insides at times. i have surprised myself
with my own guardedness in certain situations.
i'm cool with that. think there's times that's
absolutely called for.

and then there are other times where i totally
am amazed at how much i'll pour out. i even
surprise me on how open i'll be.

sometimes that happens because of timing.
and trust. there's gotta be trust there...but
the timing can make me spill more than i
normally would.

and well, the timing was right this morning.

i was workin' away here by myself tryin' to
feel what was goin' on inside when i got an
email from a really beautiful lady.

she was so incredibly thoughtful that i cried.

she was headin' out to a certin cool funky
ceremony and wanted to remember me at it. she
wanted to know if i had anything in particular
i wanted her to focus on for me.
oh man.
timing?
timing!

so i told her.

and i felt totally vulnerable doin' so.
and i even had part of me goin'
"what are you doin', terri?!'
but i knew she'd be nice about it at the
very least...

and i knew it was honest, and i wanted to be
really honest.

she wrote back totally understanding where i
was. said she knows it too. and she understood
the vulnerability i felt in putting it out there.
she opened herself also in the response.

and i cried again.

i cried for her kindness, i cried because
she knows this feeling too....i cried for sadness
for her and for the relief of her understanding.
and for the connections that really are between us
all.

being vulnerable isn't my favorite feelin' in the
world....but when it's held with kindness and love...
THAT is something i have no words for....