i think it was pre-blog time when i took a walk
and called out to little terri for a conference.
it was the most eye opening exchange i had ever
had with my 'inner child.'
i went asking her about the people who had let
her down. i was quite sure i knew who they were
and i wanted to talk to her about it.
imagine my reaction when i was told it was me
who had let her down the most.
woe.
wow.
oh.
it was an interesting and helpful exchange.
i feel like that just happened again.
in a different twisty way.
my back's bothering me and i feel sure it's because
of emotional reasons. a friend is walking me thru
some of that stuff and we're hashing it out. thank
god for incredible friends!
this morning i came to a very similar conclusion
as to the one that little terri pointed out to me...
it's my deal here.
my 'fault' (wrong word)
my choice.
i'm the one who's causing it.
i see it real clearly.
i can 'blame' this or that.
figure this or that or the other thing in....
but ultimately, it's me taking care of me.
and i'm not so good at that.
actually, i suck at that.
i can do it okay if it's just me involved.
but god forbid i have to ask someone for a
real need.
i can ask for help that's not touching anything
deep.
but if it's gonna touch deep, i don't do it.
have had some bad experiences with that and have
shut down doin' it.
smart, huh?
would this be one of those destructive protection
things?
um. yeah.
according to my back, it would!
ya know, i absolutely love this.
i truly believe that all of me is workin' together
here to get somewhere. and my back is sayin'
'excuse me, girl, but you just dropped the ball
big time.'
you know what that stinkin' ball's made of?
what else???
TRUST!
shoot.
shoot.
shoot.
will i EVER get this down?!
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