being love

a buddy of mine wrote me a note
after readin' the last blog and asked
me what exactly i meant by 'being love.'

oh man.
what a great question!
it means i have to really think about it
to even begin to try to explain it.

rita....thank you for that!

okay...how to even start??

i've mentioned before that i kinda equate
god and love. i kinda think there's this thing
called love that we don't understand.
i don't mean the romantic stuff....that can have
parts of what i mean in it, but it's also so
mixed up with other stuff that i don't mean that.

i mean pure love.
pure love to me must also be god.
and i think it's something that we don't understand
because we don't experience it very often. but
when we do, we know it.

i kinda figure that's at the core of all of us.
that we all have this 'god stuff' inside of us.
and when we can reach it, touch it and live in it,
that would be being love.

the more i go along, the more i believe that it has
GOT to start in a really strong foundation of self
love.

that ol' bit about you can't love anyone else til
you love yourself?? well, there sure is a ton to that.
and i don't think you can really touch that core inside
of you until you make strides in that self love
department.

so, i think being love starts with self love.
and then...if you can get yourself to a place where
you aren't workin' from within a whirlwind of baggage
(and i think that can only really disappear thru self
love) then you can operate at a really free space.

now...see, this is all theory for me.

i don't have it down!
so i'm just kinda rollin' with some of the things i'm
learnin' along the way.

when i say i want to be love, i mean that i want to
be able to give freely, no strings attached, to care and
to have compassion without having the need to control or
to fix, to allow things to flow and to understand that
everyone operates from their own place and that i can't
understand it so i can't judge it. to understand that it's
all part of a really big picture and that the little things
have absolutely no meaning, and absolutely a ton of meaning
all at the same time.

to operate with an open heart and to not need to close
down to protect myself because i would understand that it's
all okay. to keep that heart open almost like a pipe line to
the universe where i allow something beyond me to flow thru.
to not block that up with garbage, but to have the opening
clear.

yeah.....
i'm no way near it.

and what i'm thinking of today with it is......
to have compassion for all......
true compassion that is real and not something i know
i should have so i try real hard.
but something that just flows out naturally.
with no need for anything back. to see other's pain and
to hold it gently and set it down.
and know it's okay.

to know joy in my bones. being love has got to include
joy. to be able to experience intense joy along with
intense sorrow and allow both to exist side by side.

all of that is part of it.

yeah.....not so easy, huh?!

but just suppose, just pretend for a minute that that
was really the goal. the mission. the dream.

all those problems would look different, wouldn't they?
these people i'm struggling with today with what i see
as sickness.....all that would be different inside of me.

and if you could get here (which i don't think i can even
if i had 27 lifetimes to try...but i still want to try
anyway)....if you got there? well then when it came time
to die...wouldn't you just slip into the vastness of love
that is beyond us??? wouldn't that just be awesome????

that's kinda what i like to think about sometimes.
and sometimes i like to try to work on it.....
i figure it's a pretty good hobby!
that and horse shoes and i'm all set!