embracing lil' ter

i actually had a business meeting yesterday.
those are few and far between. and make me
laugh. i get a kick out of them. i have a very
patient business counselor!

so i arrived early. i needed to do some inner
child work and that seemed to be the time.

i think that's so funny.

excuse me, i'll just do a little inner child
work here quietly before we discuss how the
economy is affecting business...

so i sat right there in panera and delved into
my depths....

here i go again with the lunatic talk. i just
don't have any other language for it....

little terri got hurt a few days ago. and it
was really lingering and affecting me. so i
wanted to check in and see what was really
goin' on.

there are things too long and complicated to
express here. there were a few different bottom
lines. one i thought was worth sharing.

i figured out that when i get hurt in a particular
way....when trust is involved....the little girl
part of me will go away. and all that's left is
the grown up part of me.

the grown up part of me will try real hard to
keep things on an even keel, will try to be understanding
and reasonable, will try to keep things flowing so
there's no big scenes....will try to be fine.

but everyone around me is wondering what happened to me
because i'm different. the spark is gone. that kinda
thing. i'm like a regular adult.

how many regular adults are just people walkin' around
wtihout their inner kids hoppin' around inside of them?
prolly all of them??? i'm thinking maybe.

so....how do we take care of the little kid part?
and so i asked.

i'm real real real good about being attentive to people.
i watch and see what they need, how they're reacting to
things. i won't push if i shouldn't push, i will listen
if i should listen, joke if i should joke. i will do what
i need to make them feel comfortable, safe, and appreciated.

well.
there was the bottom line i got yesterday.
just do that for myself.
do that for little terri.

don't just close the door in her face and help everyone else.
be attentive to her.

that was it.

not such a hard thing, ya know?
and yet....SUCH a hard thing.

i've spent a life time putting her last.
altho, i've been doin' something right, cause she's still
with me! and still comes out and makes my life fun.

she's been quiet the last few days.
and i miss her.
i thought she needed some space.
i think what she needs is an embrace........