girl you'll be a woman soon.....

ewwwww.......something interesting just happened
inside me....

hmmmmmm.........
i've gone from dread to feelin' a bit curious
and okay....maybe a tiny bit excited.....

i've been feeling a crossroads comin' up for me
in a certain area of my life. and i haven't
been thrilled about it at all. it involves some
stuff i find very hard and unpleasant.

so i've been tryin' to ignore it.
or tell it i'll get there, just give me time.
or kinda just not lookin' quite at what i gotta
do.....those kinda strategies.

well.......i just got to thinking.

i know what i gotta do.
there's no question in my mind, heart, or body.
i know it.

so?
do it.

but i don't want to.

why?
because of patterns.
it's my pattern to not want to.

but you know what?

we can change those.

things that seem unpleasant....
well, maybe i have to look at it from a different
angle......
maybe i have to look at it as something i can do
because i've grown a lot and i'm stronger.
and this will continue that trend.
and that it's a great opportunity for me to learn
more of that 'real' i'm always talkin' about....

maybe it's a good thing.
and maybe i can really step up to it.
and maybe i don't have to hide cause i'm a little girl.

maybe i can step right up, grab it, put out what i need
to........and let things fall where they may.

there's a line from an old neil diamond song i used to
listen to (yeah, yeah, i was a neil diamond fan when i was
a teen ager....) and he'd sing this line....'girl, you'll
be a woman soon.'

and that line has echoed thru my brain over the years....
it's not very often i really feel like a woman. it's usually
a girl.

but now.
sitting here.
thinking about this challenge.
and where i've been and what i've learned and the strength
i've gained......

and the ability to turn the focus and do what i gotta do......

i gotta say.......i got that feeling......
i made it to womanhood. wow. womanhood.

go figure.
i'm kinda diggin' it too.....