real

once, when i was conversing with a friend,
after several stories of things in my life,
she sat back and went 'ohhhhh now i get it.'
and she commented that she never understood
what i meant with the line on my website about
it being a woman's journey to find real.

funny. it never occurred to me it didn't
make sense. but it should have. the things that
run around in my mind don't have to make sense
to everyone else!

but i do think, this particular issue runs thru
most of us. maybe in different ways...but i think
it's there. it's just the wording that made no
snese.

it's the ol' denial stuff.

i grew up with denial as a way of life.
and i lived it well.

one day i woke up and wanted honesty. wanted real.
i changed my life. and what an uproar it caused!

i think denial is in everyone's life. and it's part
of functioning.

but when it becomes a way of life....well, then, that
just kinda sucks.

so. i've been a born again real finder. i've been workin'
hard on living real.

one of the top ten attractive things about the guy in
my life is he's totally real. it makes me laugh, it makes
me cry, it makes me stomp my foot in frustration. and it
makes me very very grateful to have him.

but as i've traveled along, i've seen more and more how
difficult honesty is. i've mentioned that more than once
here, i know. because it surprises me. i thought it was
easy.

now i don't think so at all. i think it's one of the hardest
things to be. just with yourself. right there is the biggest
hurdle. how honest are you with yourself?

i've got a task ahead of me today.
i could let it slide. it'd be easy, and no big deal to let
it slide.

but i'm seein' it as an opportunity.
an opportunity to be real.

gonna take it.

there is a risk in taking it. i know that. and i know
that it may cause things i'll be sad about....

but i also know that in taking it i'm showing myself
that i'm committed to becoming who i want to be.

and that feels way more important than any sadness that may come
along.

i believe that this life is filled with sadness.
but i also believe that this life is filled with endless,
limitless possibilities....
but you can't get to them by fakin' it.

the only way to get them is to take them with who you
really are.

by living your real.