maybe fluid would be better than solid....

feels like a million years since i've walked...
there's just a tad bit of snow fallin' this morning.
felt like the sky was talkin' to me.
'where you been? it's been forever. good to see
you back out here. let me touch you. here, touch
me.' and the snow touched my face.

and the world was mine again.

i walked and tried to sort thru myself.

what was all inside of me.

did i feel my soul back yet?

yeah. maybe.
i feel something so strong inside of me.

it's that tremendously sad feeling.

no.
no, ter.
that's not it.

souls aren't sad.
they just are.
but they're more than that....
they're that energy that moves you....
not that sadness you're feelin'.

wrong layer.

so then i got to thinking of my layers.

okay.
this sad one.
woe, i can feel that one real good.
and i know what it's all about.
it's not about everything in your life.
just about certain people right now.
people you love and care a lot for.
but that's not the whole deal inside.

don't mistake it for everything.

okay pull that layer over here.

and so i did.
did the visual.
pulling this big ol' rubbery tarp thing
up and over here.

what's this one?
ohhhhhh this is gratitude for yo and zakk.
i could feel that one next.
oh nice one.

yo and zakk?

what about josh??

oh. there's another sad one.

so i began.
lifting and pulling and sorting layers.

big thick rubbery layers. layers that
stuff really couldn't sift thru. layers
in which things would get stuck.

ya know what???
i don't think it's that my soul left.
it didn't leave.
for pete's sake, terri.
you've covered it up with a thousand
really thick cumbersome layers.

it's stuck under there!!

okay.
great.
now what?

how do you unstick your soul?

and then that stinkin' annoying word
popped up.

trust.

i grimaced.

i'm gettin' tired of that word.

it's the answer to everything.
and it's not a particularly comforting
answer.
it doesn't give me anything solid i can
hold. and right now i'd like solid.

you want solid?
how about this solid layer of stuff you've
put over your soul.

that's solid.

want that???

grin.

oh shut up.

and the snow fell around me.
and the word 'trust' echoed thru my mind.

more tears rolled down my cheeks....

and i'll keep trying.....