a pile of strings...

discouraged.
yeah. that would be the word.
i was pretty discouraged when i headed out
for my walk this morning.

i thought maybe jumping rope would make
it go away.

nope.

okay. let's walk.

there were a few things that were discouraging
me.

but not really.

it was one thing....one situation....one person.

and so i finally admitted that to myself and
i could feel that feeling of hitting the target.

yep.

so i called him a 'little poop' in my mind.
and then i tried to correct myself.
to show him compassion.

and then i did a great thing.
i told myself that i knew darn well i could
offer compassion and that was part of who i was
but at this moment, i was allowed not to feel it
and just call him a poop.

i went to my goodmorningworld spot and amazed
myself.
the spot is tiny. it's a corner at an intersection
of a side road and a highway. that's it. not much
there. and yet, this morning, for the first time ever,
i saw this little path area that i could actually go
stand on the earth instead of the road. how is it
i've missed that???

the difference is that i see the highway, instead of
blocking the highway from view.

that's okay. i'm gonna try it.

and i watched the traffic go by.
the utz truck was the first to catch my attention.
i'm so glad i'm not off delivering potato chips right
now. and then the egg truck. and then the commuter
bus taking people down to d.c. and all the cars headin'
off to work.

and i started to feel the gratitude seep in.
i was turning back to the most incredible job in the
world. i was turning back to breakfast with the guys...
to a really cool day.

and i thought of what i was doing.
giving this little poop so much of my power.
he'd already taken so much from me.
would i give him more?

and i thought of all the poops that i've dealt
with in the last eight years. all the poops
who had done so much that hurt.....

and i could feel the shift taking place.

from discouraged to determined. to defiant.

i got things to do.
and places to go.
and life to live.

it's my choice what i do with it.

i decided to leave the little poop on the
other highway where i leave my baggage.

and so as i turned the corner onto that road,
i pictured leaving him there.

and the coolest/weirdest/amazingest thing happened.
all these strings stayed attached to me.
he was sitting there, but as i walked away, there
were all these strings coming out of the back
of me connected to him.

i turned the corner onto my street.
as i turned, i walked by a metal for sale sign on
a post.

the perfect height.

i pictured the strings behind me.
i pictured getting them right over the top of the sign.
and then i picture jumping and squatting down real fast.

bossssssshhhhhhhhhhhh.
the strings cut right on the top of the sign.

i left them there layin' in that yard.
a pile of strings.

and i headed for home.
headed for my day........