honoring ed....

he picked up the phone and i said hey.
told him it was me.
no sooner do i get my name out then he
thanks me for the card i sent him recently.

he does this all the time.
it's the first thing out of his mouth.
'thank you for....'
and i think how amazing that is.

even if it's been weeks since i sent whatever
it was. always the very first thing to
come out.

when i get amazed by that, i have to stop
and really think. he doesn't get gifts and
tokens of love.
never did. these are his firsts. and he's
80. so i guess he remembers them real well.

very touching, very sad, and very beautiful
all at once....

his voice was kinda down. so i asked him
if he was blue. nahh....
then a few minutes later, well, yeah.
lonely.

we talked serious a bit about this.
and it felt good to touch real with him.

he's been on my mind ever since.

once, one day,years ago, when i needed a
friend really badly, when i needed someone
to help me and be there for me....
and i had no idea who to turn to...
i called him.

it concerned his nephew, my guy, and i thought
maybe i could lean on him.

right there in the parking lot of a hospital,
standing by a tiny tree, i called him and
cried.

sure enough...he was right there for me.
and he made me laugh.

i didn't think anyone could make me laugh right
then, but he did. his crusty ol' sailor mouth,
and his blunt to the point sentences....he did
it....and somehow mixed in with all of that was
incredible love.

how is it two such different people meet and touch
in and care and change each other?

how is it someone who's never really had love can
still give love so well?

every time i call, i wonder if he'll be there.
if he's okay. if i'd know if anything happened to
him....

i just called him just now. left a message. told
him that he's been on my mind ever since we talked.
and i wanted to be sure he knew how much he mattered
to me......

i think of him and all the love he deserved his whole
life...and all the love he never got....

i'm always wanting to 'fix' things. 'change' things.
it's the darn 'guy' side of me.
that's where i'm like a guy!!!

and i know i can't change this....
but i can honor ed.
i can honor him by offering love....
and the only way i can offer love....
really offer it....
is by that darn open heart deal.

strength lies in the opening of the heart.
honoring ed lies in that very same opening.........