i have this thing in me that could use a little
i have trouble seein' that i matter to people.
i've been workin on it for years.
way way long time ago my then husband even tried
to tell me that i needed to see that stuff a little
so it's an old old story.
and i'm tryin' to move on to new ones....
a lotta times i can.
sometimes i revert.
i saw something recently.
there was only one thing that could really explain
it...someone who i just don't figure i matter that
much to was reachin' out.
i saw it. cause,well, it was in neon.
but i dismissed it.
cause, well, i'm still living old stories at times.
and i think also because i've been hurt with this person
in actually believing i did matter, and then feeling
like i was a jerk for thinking that.
so there's been some yankin' around.
it's not all my dysfunctions.
mine dance with his.
but this morning as i think of it, something's changed
i'm now doin' daily dunks in my inner river.
i can now go there and touch that and feel a little
steadier about things.
feel a little bit more at ease in allowing things to
be whatever they are.
nah, i haven't got that down like a habit or anything.
but i can touch in on it more than i could before.
and i actually think of doing it!
like with this.
i saw the neon sign.
turned my head and told myself it really wasn't
then kinda tilted one eye over and said 'well, yeah,
maybe it is....but i don't want to get all trapped
and jerked around.'
and then i touched in on the river.
no need for traps or jerkin'.
you're strong, bright, aware........you're fine.
it will be whatever it is.
who said that?!
who believed that?!!
i am so diggin' this river.......