Tuesday, February 2, 2010

my own growth


it's one of the hardest things to have, i think.

i used to think it wasn't that hard.
but then, i wasn't including all the tricking
of ourselves we do.

i can trick myself so well i don't know i'm
doin' it. luckily i have a network of friends
who don't hesitate to point it out.
i laugh as i write that....and yet i am so
grateful for them.
i've learned to pay attention when they tell me
things about myself.
they don't always have the last word...but their
words matter and their words have helped me see
a lot of things i couldn't see without them.

and now i find myself being asked into someone's
own dishonesty.
but they don't know it.
they think they're being honest with themselves.
they really really do.

who am i to tell someone their truth?
i can't.
i can tell them some things i see.
but they can't hear me. i know this, cause i've

and so, now, once again, they ask me in. to help.
what is it they really want from me?

that's what i'm curious about.

and.....here's the thing i have to watch for me...
what is it that i really want from me?

i think it's this...
to be honest and straight while at the same time
honoring their journey.

easier said than done, i believe.
but something i'm going to try hard to do.

every interaction is an opportunity.

he asks for my help.
but i'm not fooled this time.
it's not my help that's gonna be what comes
out of this. i'm pretty sure of that.
not yet, anyway. cause when he gets to the point
where he can hear my help, he won't need me to
help him anymore!!

it's gonna be my own growth.
my own growth in my own honesty.

and that is something i have to pay attention


AkasaWolfSong said...

I'm still learning this one too, and you'd think at 57 I'd be a little bit wiser in this but things creep up on us we hadn't an inkling of the lingering, until the moment the lightshine beams down so intensely that we have to look at, feel it, scrutinize it over and over and then ohhh....we have to change it.
It can be brutal at times and other times it can feel like the warmth of a shawl wrapped around our shoulders and finally we feel peace.
It reminds me of that old song "Honesty...is such a lonely word..." Whew...growing is hard work.

AkasaWolfSong said...

I must have been pretty sleepy when I wrote this one Ter...lol.
I meant to say...things creep up on us that we hadn't had an inkling of, and in the lingering, the moment the lightshine beams down so intensely...then we have to change it.

I'm awake now I think?

Asleep at the Wheel...
Too much processing this week.