Sunday, May 16, 2010

my bike

i had strategically parked my bike out
back in a place where i could see it from
my kitchen window.

i stood inside looking at it.
he came over and stood next to me and looked
with me.

you woulda thought i was looking at a new
sports car or something.

my voice got choked up and i told him that
the bike meant a ton to me for another reason
besides that it was awesome.

and as we stood there staring at it, i told
him a story. it was from when i was 16 and got
the bike that i still have to this day.

it's a long complicated story that doesn't
matter to anyone else. but to me, the bottom
line was about me not being able to ask for
what i really wanted, not being secure enough
to figure i was worth getting what i really wanted,
of trying to please...and then putting on the show
like i always did that everything was perfect.
and falling in love with it because it's what i
had. i loved that bike. and at the same time there
was forever the underlying message to me as i rode
it...take what you get and learn to love it. you
are only worth so much.

it was about my past. and the way i used to live.
and the life i had chosen to leave.

and to this day i still have that bike.

and now i stood there looking out the window at
a bike that blinded me with how much i was seen,
how much i was valued, and how there really were
times i didn't even have to ask, someone saw and

that i mattered. and that i was valued...and even
my inner child was treasured.

this silly bike with the stars hanging from the
handlebars was hollerin' over to me with joy and
such complete happiness....and it was celebrating
me! me! it was celebrating ME!

i told him what i was thinking.
we both stood looking out the window.
i turned to him, looked up at him and asked him
if he really got what i was trying to say.

yeah, he nodded. he did.

yeah, i nodded. i knew he did.
cause he can see me.

we turned to go get ready for a bike ride...

and that other bike? the one from when i was a kid?
that'll be leaving now....
i don't need it anymore.......

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