Friday, July 23, 2010

this moment

after reading her medical update, i sat back
and tried to take it in.

the plan is incredible.
first of all that she has one. last week, they
had none for her.

now she's got a radical 10-14 hour surgery ahead of her.
could be longer, they tell her. they take all the
cancer out they can see then wash her insides with
heated chemo. wow. then sew her back up.

she described the procedure, and the aftermath...
complete with another round of chemo later.

and you should have heard the joy in her words.
they were typed, and yet they were poppin' outta
the screen.

she was JOYOUS.


i went up to tell the guys the news. stood there
tellin' them all the details i could remember
and said 'she sounded so happy. you gotta be pretty
darn desperate to sound happy with all of that
to look forward to.'

i think that's what's hit me the most.

anyone tell a healthy person they've got that ahead
of them, the person's gonna go into a tizzy.

tell someone who thought she was pronounced dead,
that they can buy her some time...maybe a decent amount
of time with this......and you have joy.

i thought of the desire to live.
and what we do to live.

and i thought of the moments we waste. the days we waste
when we don't even think of the gift in our hands.

i went off to brush me teeth.

i picked up the toothbrush and thought of the moment.

the line "and she was given this moment" popped into my head.

i'm making that a bone sigh today.
i kinda have to.
i'm filled with.

we're given this moment. do we remember it's a gift?

i have it written on a note pad here.

this morning i felt pretty discouraged about something else.
i had hung up the phone from another conversation and just
felt discouraged. i turned and saw the note pad.

and she was given this moment.

the discouraged thing isn't that important.
it'll pass.
not important enough to take this moment from me.

and that's why i have GOT to make this bone sigh.
i really really really want to remember this.

i've got this moment.
and i'm healthy.

that's kinda like having it all, isn't it?

yeah. yeah. it is.

i'm not just holdin' that this morning.
i'm guarding it.
i don't want to lose the thought too fast.

i want some time to dance with it.
and to make it a habit to dance with it.

No comments: