trusting again.......

nervous energy this morning.
knowing it would be prudent to have a few
things taken care of first thing this morning
in case the day fell apart later.

great.
nothing like preparing for the day to fall apart.

i planned on hoppin' on my bike and goin' as fast
as i could to kinda get all my exercise in at once.
wasn't til i was runnin' thru my house with my
shoes on to grab my bike that i realized it was
raining.

opps.
i stopped mid stride.
noah had figured this out too.
he was headin' back to bed.

i headed out for a fast walk instead.
as i walked i felt the energy. it was movin' me
along at a pretty good speed.

this doesn't really feel like bein' a prayer, ter.
this feels more like bein' a spastic nut case.

yeah.
yeah.
as i kept movin' along, i felt the agitation.
okay.
if you're serious about this living prayer stuff...
if you really want to come from a place of light....
let's look at this.....

and the looking and questioning lasted thru the walk
and into a quick round of exercise in my room.

there are key players in my life that send me into
spin cycle. these players are only 'key' because of
the affect they have on my life. i rarely see any of
these players that send me in this direction. but still,
it happens.

this key player holds alotta weight as he affects my
life with what he does. waves from his actions can
wash into my life and cause a lot of havoc. hence the
nervousness.

actually, he holds a lotta weight cause i give him the
weight.

i know that.
i really do.

i give him the weight cause of past experiences.

past experiences can make me pretty nervous of the present.

silly girl.

i haven't figured out how exactly to be a living prayer.
even tho i'd agree with anyone who tells me we all are already
without even trying.

i'd agree with that.....and then go try to figure out how to
be one.

cause i'm goofy and thick headed like that.

i decided again today that i wasn't gonna figure out how to
do it(be a prayer), so i oughta just go ahead and do it without
knowing what i was doing.
believe it or not, that makes sense to me.

the one thing that i couldn't drop was that i needed to trust.
i need to know i'm okay, and it's okay, no matter what happens
today.

i need to know that.

and when i stop myself long enough and look at that.....
i do know that. and when i stop myself long enough to hold
that......i can feel the living prayer stuff goin' on.

trust.

forever that concept is floatin' around my heart........