the first part....

ohmygosh.....
i've just begun....
but want to share....

and yes, i feel vulnerable.
but you know what?
this seems like good stuff to put out there.

i got cozy in my room to do some checkin' in with
myself.

i had already decided i was going to start by listing
my resentments.

i am filled with them right now.
unusual for me and i wanted to give them voice.
it's rare i feel like this.

so i began to write them out.

they poured out easily enough.

when i sat back and looked at the list,
there was something that really stood out for me.

all these things i listed goin' on in other people
that were driving me crazy were things i would view
as weaknesses. weaknesses in the people around me.

weaknesses.

wow.

look at that.

okay.
let me list my own weaknesses now.

and so i began.
it was easy enough to spew out a few, so i left it
at that and sat back and looked at them.

okay.
nothing i'm real proud of, that's for sure.

what is it i wish other people would do for me about
my own weaknesses?

that came out fast.

i want someone to be patient with me. i don't want my
weaknesses pointed out. i want to be accepted where i'm at.

hmmmm.......

it didn't take any effort for me to see i wasn't
offering that around me. hence my built up resentments.

if i want to love, i gotta do this, i thought.

okay, i picked out people i would be willing to do this for.
or work on doing this for.

they were easy. people i really wanted to love fully and
with an open heart.

several stood out as hold outs for me.

do you want to love that person? i asked myself.

'no.
not until she loves me.'

oh ho ho.

guess who that was???

little terri had come to the surface.

i quickly did a little bit of work with her.
going to delve into that a bit more later tonite.

then i grabbed the book i just finished and opened
it right up to this.....not sure if i typed this out before
or not. i have it starred in the book....

'to be of service to others through your inner gifts,
your intuition, your courage, your talents, and your
creativity is possible for all those who are willing
to respond to the needs of others. toward this end, you
must see yourself as healed, as having completed the
unfinished business of your past. while you may visit
your wounds every now and again, you can no longer
emotionally or mentally reside in that contaminated
psychic field, continually processing wounds that are
decades old. your focus has to be in the present moment.
this is where your power is, and being in the present is
what your health requires.'

i thought the timing was wild....

i'm not sure what to do with all of this.
i know where it's leading me.
just not sure of what step i do when.

but then i think, i have to go back to my intentions.
of why i started this whole process tonite in the first
place....

what ARE my intentions.......???

are they really to be love? to be a living prayer?
or to just say those pretty words and coast by?

me, little t, and the universe need to talk.....