Wednesday, October 27, 2010


i tried to 'be love' last nite.
in different ways with different people.

when i rolled over to turn my light out to go to
sleep i was filled with the feeling of
'well, that didn't work.'

i laugh over that now, altho at that point i felt
more like crying.

that didn't work.

what the heck does that mean???

and what a great catch that seemed like. being love mean you have an agenda???

uh......don't think so.

being love DOES include being love to yourself all thru
being love to everyone else.

that's vital.

and maybe i needed to do a little bit more of that.
maybe that's why the feeling.

i don't know.
gonna think on that.
cause that sure seemed like an interesting reaction.


Jen said...

I am not sure if this is exactly what you are talking about, but I get this type of feeling sometimes when I really put my heart out there and don't get the immediate response I expect or want in response to my vulnerability. It feels right in the moment when I am sharing, etc, but then I feel exposed and want to retreat, then beat myself up for being so stupid, silly, etc.

When I step back, my adult self can realize that I have no idea what type of response the other person is having to my actions, and just because they didn't respond visibly in the way I wanted doesn't mean it didn't impact them profoundly, or they didn't file it away in their heart but are uncomfortable responding back with the same level of vulnerability.

I think there will always be times when we are scared by the risk that's involved with putting yourself out there ... I personally can want to retreat, especially if the little girl piece is the part that was out there...

That said, as someone who received some of that love last night through an awesome bone sigh from you, I can say it worked for me :)


Zenchick said...

I was smiling when I read this, because as I read "does being love have an agenda?" I had been thinking: being love is just that: BEING love. It's nothing more and nothing less. I agree with Jen that the results or effects don't always show up right away, if ever...but that it's never, ever wasted.
And as someone who receives love in the form of bone sighs every day (!) I am grateful.