Monday, July 25, 2011

and so i try...

there are times in my life when stuff goes on and there's such a pattern
in the stuff, that even when i'm not looking, i have to notice. it's just too obvious.

that happened this weekend. and right there in my face was the message that i wasn't
accepting the messiness of life.

i really like things to be tidy. i really do.
it doesn't even have to be good....just tidy....so i know what it is.

for example....if i have a relationship that's ended, or that just doesn't work,
i can deal with that in my own way if i know it. but the mixed messages, the not
understanding...the messiness of it all can drive me bonkers. i want things to
be clear so i can then deal with them. just tell me what's goin' on so i can
do what i gotta do.

yeah. good luck with that one, ter.

and so as i looked around at just about everything in my life being messy right now,
i thought maybe i ought to pay attention to that. the messiness part. the bigger
theme. my struggle with that part.

easier said than done because what i do is get sidetracked in the other stuff.
in the hurt or the confusion....the detail stuff.
and i forget to look at the whole deal.

last nite i posted the poster we have called 'honoring you' on face book.
i posted it because i was thinking of the people in norway. the words on it
are these....

weeping and aching, i longed to honor
your passing.
i longed to honor your life.
searching everywhere, i found only one answer.
honor myself.
become all that i am. and carry you inside that beauty.


i thought of those words and those people as i walked this morning.
and when i saw myself getting caught up in the wrong direction with my messy stuff,
i thought of the whole idea of becoming all that i am.

i thought of those words and i mean them. they're sincere.

honoring myself and becoming all that i am gets lost when i turn in the wrong
direction with the stuff in my life.

life is messy.
always will be.
i won't have tidy little answers everywhere i go.
life is fluid, flowing.

each moment is a chance for me to be who i want to be.

and i'm trying a little harder right now.

and it's one thing i can do to honor the pain in the world right now.

and so i try....
and i work on my acceptance of the messiness of it all...

6 comments:

Merry ME said...

As I honor me, I honor you.
Love it.

Jymi said...

i easily forget that honoring myself honors others. Thank you for that reminder terri. Love to you.

Pamela Jones said...

My mom always used to say that she liked things all neat and tidy and tied with a pretty pink bow. The more we live, the more we find that the box is the wrong size or that things keep melting and leaking out of the corners. And my bows are usually crooked. Thinking of a blue sno-cone on a hot summer day and how delightfully messy it can be.

Melissa said...

I do not say this lightly...
I look at that poster every morning. The words of that bonesigh have kept me out of the darkness that's so easy to get swallowed into.

*hugs*

terri said...

thanks you guys. po, iloved the visual. lis...that made me cry....

AkasaWolfSong said...

In love, honor and respect...

It's what makes the world go round.

I love Pam's Blue sno-cone idea! I'm going to hang onto that thought as I hang onto your honoring too Terri...

(((Bless You Ladybug!)))