Tuesday, October 18, 2011

in honor of ryan

"my mind hears your voice in a thousand different places.
 my heart echoes with your laugh and makes me smile. 
my blood runs thru my veins carrying you inside its very cells. 
and i know that you are part of me.
i ache with missing you. 
yet i live with you inside of me.
and i hold you with every fiber of my being. forever and always."

just over a year ago he died.
a young man.
a young man who served in our military,
came home, and couldn't handle what was going on in his mind.
when our system failed to help him, he took his life.

looking for help...and getting lost in an overloaded, incompetent system,
he took his life.

we're all part of his story. and so many stories like his.

it's his birthday today.
his mom has flown across the country to be with her best friend on this day.
they will be getting thru the day together. she will be held. she will be loved.
and yet no one can touch that searing pain she'll carry forever.

so many stories like this all over the place.
what do we do?
how do we help?
how do we honor them?
how do we hold their mothers and their fathers?

what do we do on a birthday?

the only thing i have ever come up with and continue to come back to is
the thought that inspired the following bone sigh. i offer it today and ask
everyone to think about it, to think about your day today, to think of all
our youth we've lost to war, of our connections to them, and to be all that
you can be today.

in honor of ryan.

"weeping and aching, 
i longed to honor your passing.
 i longed to honor your life. 
searching everywhere,
 i found only one answer.
 honor myself.
 become all that i am. 
and carry you inside that beauty."


Melissa said...

I've said it before- that bonesigh is one of the most beautiful writings I have ever read. And truly one of the only things that has come close to healing the broken places.

It helped me. I hope Ryan's mom finds the same comfort in that thought.


terri said...

thanks, melissa....

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ter~ you continue to amaze me with your unconditional love. You share your gift with the world so freely, thank you. I am so grateful our paths crossed, my heart has been forever changed.
Here's to Ryan~ Peace Out
Happy Birthday!

terri said...

thanks, ms. k....

Anonymous said...

Dear Terri,

Thank you for "in honor of ryan." In honoring Ryan, you honor all the men and women in uniform who have devoted their very lives to protect our country...how I wish our country were more devoted to protecting them once they are home and in need of help.

"in honor of ryan" ....it is like you can read my mind and say in a few words what my heart and soul feels. With every heartbeat I hear his voice and see his beautiful face, I miss him and the opportunity to witness who and what he would have accomplished as a man, brother, son and father. And yet, I know that Ryan will always be a part of me, that I carry him inside of me. I choose to honor Ryan by honoring myself, to remember that I matter and to refuse to let Ryan's death define my life or his. I choose happiness and joy and though there are days that it takes all I have within me to make those choices and there are certainly days that I fail, I know Ryan would want me to live a life of happiness and fullness. Thank you for helping me be able to see the value and importance in embracing the everyday joys....the hikes with your son, the phone calls from the children, the sunsets. I could not have make it without the love and support of my wonderful friends....my York girls, you rock and I love you. And Terri, I send you lots of love...come see me!

Ryan's Mom

terri said...

sending you love, monika....