an ornery patch

so, okay, i admit it - i can get pretty ornery at times.

and i was feelin' way ornery when i got on my bike this morning.
i can't tell ya how many stories i hear where some really beautiful
person is struggling so deeply because of wounds caused by some
really sick and or dysfunctional people.

i just pedaled away and thought things like 'i just wish they could
see this isn't theirs and just leave it all behind.'

now, yeah, i include myself in this list of people...so i'm certainly
not detached. perhaps that's why the orneriness.

i was ticked that the icky guys always seemed to have the power.
all this beauty is meekly walking around and struggling and the
ick just keeps on rollin' thru squashin' everyone.

i was ticked and tired of them 'always winning.'

so yeah, i caught that phrase as i thought it.

always winning.

okay, ter......what's 'winning' mean??
are they really winning?

and then, yeah, it hit me.
yeah, it really did.
i got it.

i thought of what i watch people do, and what i know i've done....
we get so lost, so off center and we go searchin' as hard and as
deep as we can.

that's what we do to go find our souls our being our life our hearts.

and that's where the winning takes place.
yet we just really don't know it.
or we're way slow in seeing it.
but i can see it cause i watch it all the time around me.

people searching and giving every bit of themselves to the struggle,
feeling like they're getting nowhere, and yet, truthfully, going where
they need to go and absolutely 'getting there' - (even tho the further
we get, the more we see there is no 'there'. which is awesome
cool and way mind bending in a thought like this one.)

that's the person i'd rather be.

even tho i think it's possible the waves will come our whole lives
and knock us down again and again - i think the growth that happens
in between those waves and because of those waves is really truly
what it's all about. it really truly is the winning stuff.

it's not the waves that matter.

and i think of the people who hurt and squash and scar so deeply.
there's no way on earth those people are winning anything.

and so i settled down.
and i remembered to believe in the ones i see doin' the struggle,
and to believe in the process, and to believe in this whole darn
deal of life.

which is good timing for me as i've been watchin' the world spin
around and kinda wondering about it all. not feelin' so great about
the state of humanity.

this little spin on the bike settled me down a bit.
and reminded me of the things that really matter.
the deeper things.
the growing of ourselves. and the becoming more.