being gentle

i had a few really gentle moments yesterday.

a few moments where i consciously watched myself offer gentleness,
and where i saw it wash over the other person.

and i saw it make a difference.

sometimes i am so moved when i actually watch my own actions
affect another person.

i mean, obviously, it happens all the time.
many times not in a good way....
i know that.

but usually i'm pretty wrapped up in whatever's going on and don't
see it quite as clearly as i did yesterday.

our actions totally affect those around us.
we all know it.

how often do we live like we know it?

(that's a good question.......maybe we should read it again......)

how often do we live like we know it?

and then what about our actions to ourselves?

i am beat this morning.

not a good way to start a week.

yesterday evening/nite i had to work.
and i was so tired i just didn't know how i'd get done what i had
to get done.

so i did the ol' caffeine deal.
even tho i've sworn off caffeine after a certain hour........

i had to get this work done.
i was so tired.
i told myself i was so tired i'd have no trouble falling asleep.

yeah, right.
i swear, i feel like i was awake all nite.

as i walked this morning i thought about the gentleness deal i did
with others that very same day.

when it came to me tho, i slammed myself thru.
i wasn't gentle at all.

i feel a bit like a train hit me this morning.

and i want to watch that.
i've got a ton of work to do today....
but i'm gonna try a different approach......
a more gentle one with myself.
a more caring one.

doesn't mean i won't do what i gotta do.
it means i'll pay attention to myself.
see what i need. work with me.
listen and respond.
gently.

and i'm not making this up - just THINKING about that
and being aware of that has brought me some sense of relief.

it's like there's some part inside of me that's been saying
'hey! over here! me too! can you be gentle over here too?!'

and it's like our eyes met, i heard, nodded and smiled.

and that part smiled back.

should be an interesting day.........

we have such power with our actions towards others.....
and i'm starting to see a little bit more of how much that
goes for ourselves as well......