one small moment

there was a moment that i think i'll hold forever.

they were wheeling him out on a stretcher
(see post below....he's fine!)
but yeah, i didn't know he was fine at this point.
i didn't know what was wrong with him.
and i was scared.

i was really really scared.

they were wheeling him out the front door,
i was in the mix of paramedics and emergency people going out the door.
he was a funny color, in a ton of pain, sweaty, his heart rate was really low,
and i'm sure really scared, and he looks down and sees the box that was
delivered and left on his porch.

'ter, that's our christmas tree.' he says thru the pain.

i glanced down.

'you just get back here to put it up with me,' i thought.
but didn't say anything out loud.

later, hangin' out in the ER, he mentioned the tree.
i had no idea he was gonna get one.
wasn't sure he'd ever even want one.
there's been a lotta hard stuff associated with christmas for him
and i just wasn't sure where we'd go with all that.

'i want us to have holidays.' he said.

and my heart melted.

it's been a lotta years together. and for many complicated reasons,
holidays have been hard. they haven't felt like holidays to me. and he
knows that. and he knows how much i miss them.

what a way to hear about the tree.
sitting in the ER room.

when we got home late that nite, the box was moved inside the front door.
my sons had stopped by to take care of a few things and they had put it inside for us.

i saw it had been moved, and warmed at their kindness. they had been my
heroes all nite. and they topped it off by moving the tree inside.

'that's gonna be one heck of a tree' i thought as i hurried by it to get him his medicine.

i think it's gonna take some time for us to get holidays ironed out into something smooth
and easy. various reasons that can't all be fixed right away. and today, instead of being
bummed about that, i keep thinking how lucky i am that he's here. and that he got us
a tree cause he cares. and that we're together.

funny how life can put things in perspective. and now that tree's gonna help me
remember that perspective.

i've always loved christmas trees. this one now holds some pretty amazing extra meaning.