Tuesday, December 4, 2012

i'm back!

this is the beginning of week two of daily walks.

i had stopped for what seems like forever.

i could see a difference in myself and knew i had to get back to them.
so last week i started back.

but they've just been 'medicinal' walks.
walks where i had so much stuff in me, i had to go walk it all out
so i wouldn't go insane.

this morning i thought it was the same.
i needed to go walk out some agitation.
so i started out.

but i never really got there.
some real thoughts crept in.
not just walking things out.

and some real feelings crept in.
not just walking feelings out.

and for the first time since i started back,
i could feel myself headin' in deeper inside.
like i used to.

in a way, it felt like sinking into a soft, warm bed.
it felt so good, so right, so where i belonged.

there i was, just headin' back into old territory
when a little white jeep pulled up next to me.

i knew that jeep.

the driver lives in the neighborhood and has stopped
once before asking about some cats. she waves, i wave.
that kinda thing.

but there she was pulling up right next to me,
her hand on her heart, her face animated.
'i'm SO glad to see you!' she exclaimed.

my eyebrows went up.

she explained to me how she wondered where i had gone.
and she actually stopped and asked people in the neighborhood,
'have you seen that lady who walks in the mornings?'

and apparently, according to her, the neighbors have noticed that
i wasn't around and were concerned that something had happened
to me. one neighbor said her husband could find anything out and
he'd look into it.

she said 'i was ready to go ask your sons about you, but i i figured
they'd think i was so strange.'

i smiled so big.
told her she made my day.

who knew?
it felt good to be missed.

it also made me laugh to think about it.
i was JUST getting back to the deeper inside stuff.
when i'm there, tears come, i'm sure my face makes amazing
contortions, my arms have been  known to move...things happen.

great.....i thought........how much of THAT is noticed?!

and i smiled.

who cares.

i'm back!

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