a special special day....

the skies were darkening,

and the wind was blowing.

and it was way way too warm out.

josh had said he heard there were fierce storms coming in.

i used to like fierce storms.

not any more.

now they make me jumpy.

zakk walked into the kitchen.

my desk is in the next room, but i get a good view

of anyone at the kitchen counter. 

i looked over at him and hollered - 'i'm scared, zakk!'

i watched him turn around and look at me.

'just scared in general? or scared of something in particular?'

i laughed.

i really laughed.

and i so treasured him.

my sons are incredible beings. 

that they even know enough to ask a question like this amazes me.

we are celebrating mister zakk's birthday tomorrow.

i'm gonna try to stay off the computer as much as i can, 

hence i thought i'd post this tonite.

he'll be twenty one. 

that in itself kinda stuns me.

but what's so way cool is the watching i've had the luck to be able to do.

the watching of zakk grow.

i probably thought nothing could equal the thrill of watching them learn to walk

or learn to talk......or learn to read.....

but there is quite a thrill in watching them find who they are, and watching them

try to become more of who they've found.

i'm not exactly sure how come, but it seems to me, in zakk, more than in

his brothers, i could read that stuff on his face sometimes. i could get a glimpse

into his heart.

which is odd, because he's the least verbal, and the least like me.you'd think

he'd be the one i would have trouble with when it came to reading his face.

and yet, somehow there have been moments where i've looked at his face 

and could just see his opening into who he was. i could see his incredibly

beautiful spirit.

how do i even explain that? 

i don't think i can.

and i guess i don't need to.

the point is......the honor, the privilege, the incredible gift of having zakk for my

son, is something i've treasured ever since he arrived. it's never left, and it's

only deepened.

 while i have silly gifts stashed for him to open, and plan on fussing as much as i can

and doing anything i can to make his day good...the real gift is him. and who he is.

i wonder how i can tell him that.