hearing

i had already been thinking about it.
altho, certainly not so eloquently.

i was thinking about two different times in my life where i plowed in with
someone i didn't like, became very present with them, and found myself
not only accepting them, but loving them.

i was thinking of it because it was quite a feeling to leave the bad feelings behind,
to learn about someone enough to get thru that stuff, see them, and end up
caring about them - not because i tried to, but because i listened to them and heard them.
it's made quite an impression on me.

then i read mark nepo and gasped (as usual) -

'if i dare to hear you, i will feel you like the sun and grow in your direction.'

wow. he sure put it good.
that's what happened.

how many times do i miss doing that, i wondered?
'constantly,'  i thought

and THAT struck me as i feel like i've been blinded in the past few months with
people talking AT each other, and not with each other. not only is there very little listening
going on......there's certainly very little hearing.

i liked the quote so much i posted it on facebook.

and then i watched in another spot on my page and another page where someone posted
to provoke, certainly not to talk, and yet claiming it as wanting to talk.

interestingly enough, i have no patience for that right now and gave a terse answer
quite unlike my usual responses.

i'd have to sigh and say 'so much for hearing' on my part yet again,
but we ended up sharing a bit privately and it felt much better.

but i tell ya, it felt like the prime example from the universe.
if it were easy, if 'hearing' someone meant you liked everyone and all that they said,
well i'm not sure that sentence would mean much to me.

i'm not sure the experiences i had been thinking about would have been floating around
in my head like they had been.

it's the tough moments, the times we don't like someone or something they said,
the times we feel threatened, or bothered or annoyed....well, yeah, those times certainly
i don't do much hearing. at all. but twice in my life, i know i heard anyway. and both
those times made have left me with powerful impressions.

i'm thinking about that right now.
and holding it.
and wondering if i can be strong enough to hear even when i'm threatened.