Tuesday, March 5, 2013

mask stuff...

so there i was pondering masks and why i put them on when i get hurt.

so you know how that goes.....let's wait.....oh.....maybe an hour...
and then let's get terri's feelings hurt so she can get an up close and personal
look as to why she uses masks to hide that hurt.

why didn't i see that one coming???

and yeah, i figure there's a thousand different scenarios so that there's not
just one answer to this whole mask deal...
but i saw one answer anyway.
and it was way complicated.

there was definitely self protection in there.....
but there was something else i wouldn't have thought of.
and i'm not sure how often it would apply...
but it did this time.........

self doubt.

yeah.
go figure.

i felt stupid.
and completely unsure of myself.

i became a playground for self doubt.

wow.

insecurities and self doubt.

and i certainly didn't want to show any more of myself.
mask right on.
zip.

okay.

fair enough.

we're allowed to protect ourselves and figure out what's goin' on.
put a mask on and run for cover and try to regroup.
that's fair enough.

but here's the thing....

while i'm thinking there's a place for masks, i'm thinking i use them too often.
or more often than i think i want, and i want to learn to live without them.

how?

well, maybe a good place to start with would be self doubt.

yeah.
yeah.
but how do you do that?

don't know.

again, it's gotta be rooted in self love.

i went to bed sad.
and i didn't want to wander in the self doubt and fears.
so i concentrated on showing myself compassion.

i visualized wrapping my arms around myself.
just laying there holding myself.

i visualized so well that i could actually feel my arm around me.

i have never visualized that strongly before.
it was incredible.

i fell asleep like that.

not sure how to wander into the self love and self knowing -
but i figure that was a pretty good start.
just laying there showing myself compassion and care.
so strongly i could feel it.

it's pretty amazing where these mask thoughts are leading me.......
and i keep wandering....

1 comment:

Anonymous until I'm Ready said...

I love that you feel asleep visualizing yourself holding yourself. Such a beautiful image. Such beautiful writing. It's hard to imagine why you would EVER doubt yourself, and yet I totally understand.