so much for silence

there is no way this is gonna make sense.

coming right after offering a silent space for the sadness in the world -

but it's what's in my head, so i'm goin' for it.

spring.
loss.
dr. who.
changes.
ponds.
how you do anything is how you do everything.
approach is everything.
seeing myself.
standing before the world.

yeah.
that's what's in my head.
all in a swirl.

spring has sprung here and i needed it.
bad.
i've been getting out every day workin' in the yard.
not really because i'm a yardwork kinda gal.
but because i'm tryin' to get a handle on it all as i'm tryin'
to do most of it without the guys.
so it's fear based, mostly.
but in there, is time alone outside.
and that's bringing some sort of goodness to me.

the boston news has been on my mind.
for all the reasons it's on yours.
exercising this morning, my arms and legs were tired.
and i thought how lucky i was to have my arms and legs.
so many things taken for granted.
not this morning tho.

standing before the world.
facing it.
i don't know how to.
i don't know how to look and see and be okay.

i watched a 'dr. who' with the guys.
who would believe the dr. who with david tenet totally inspires me??
who would believe i watch him and think about viewing the world in a different way??
of all things - dr. who???
these weird cheesy creatures running around. his love of them. his love of what looks ugly.
respect. love. admiration. looking at the world in a different way.

i just watched one where he said something about looking at the universe in a whole new way.
i noticed it. and thought about that.
i think i gotta do that.

but what way???
how???

approached by someone in a not so good way today.
they're approach didn't get them very far.
approach is everything.
they blew it right off. i didn't want anything to do with them.
i'm having to approach someone myself.
and i'm thinking about the approach.
knowing it's important.

approach.

how about how i approach life?
how you do anything is how you do everything.
how does that fit with my approach to life?

in talking about missing my walks. a friend called me a warrior.
i laughed out loud.
not what i'd call myself.
but then again......maybe....when he talked about runnin' around
naked and unarmored. oh. that's a warrior?
yeah, okay......that might be me.
sometimes.

except for when i'm hiding.

which approach do i want towards life?
fear or love?
can i stand open handed and with love?

and somehow it all ties in with time workin' on my tiny little pond.
nurturing it.
i decided i would.
in place of the walks i'm missing so much.
i'd love my pond back to life.
and in the process, maybe i'd figure out how to face life.

and that's what's on my mind today......
so much for silence.