Wednesday, May 15, 2013

bumps stings and worry get shelved for now...

i did good with coming back into the gratitude.
i mean, it sure isn't hard right now.
between the weather, time outside, so much love all around me,
the birthday celebrating -
it's not hard to sit in the gratitude.

it's amazing tho how stuff bumps ya.

or stings you.

because that's what life does.
it just does.
it's full of bumps and stings.

and when those come along,  i gotta take a little time to get back to focusing where i should.

at one point, when i was feelin' a little stung about something,
i went down to see my elderly neighbor.
i had some info for her i wanted to drop off.
she's lonely. you can't just drop off info.
you stay.
but i figured it'd give me some good perspective on a busy day
and i somehow knew it'd be some of my most valuable time of the day.

we sat outside and visited.
and sure enough, i watched her and listened to her and
there was no way i couldn't feel gratitude for my health and strength.
for the love all around me.

i watched her and thought about life.
we talked of her past and all the people she had taken care of and
been there for.

she had seen a lot of the hardships life can dish out.
and she's experiencing so many of them every day right now.

i noticed i felt different than i used to.
the sad is still there.
and there's fear for what's ahead.
that's still there.
there's empathy for sure.

and way down deep, real quiet, there seems to be something else.
something new. something that seems to be inside now that wasn't before.

i think it's the beginning of the understanding that life is filled with
both the hard and the good. the mix is exactly that - a mix.
and it is what it is. i think i'm beginning to accept that,understand that.
i mean, like past my head and deeper in.

just beginning, mind you. but i think there's a seed there.

i came back to my life and put the sting i had been feeling aside.
i put down the worry from the other day.
stings, bumps, worry. they're all part of the journey.
life's full of 'em.
it's also full of gardens and new plants and blue skies
and birthday celebrating that starts early and keeps goin'.

there's life to be lived.
all of it.
bumps and stings  and worry and laughter and joy and celebrating.

life is full of all of it.
that's pretty darn cool.


Diane in AR said...

There is nothing like being in the company of an elderly woman who has been over so many roads, bumps and all, and survived. Helping her to be less lonely, listening to her - what gifts and in doing so you got gifted back some peace, just when and where you needed it. Trust in yourself, you will move forward the ways you need to go. . .thanks for sharing your ups and your downs - we all have them, such is life. . .

terri st. cloud said...

no kidding, huh? thanks, diane!

Merry ME said...

I so agree with what you and Diane have said. My elderly friend and I spent time together on Monday - dr. appt, a few errands. The doc found some lumps in her breasts. She vetoed a mammogram. Too hard. Later that night as she was fixing her dinner, she fell. All alone in her house, the unfunny version of falling and not able to get up. I was called at midnight from the ER. Suspected pelvic fracture. Possible surgery. Now 2 days later, though the prognosis is better, no fracture or surgery, she' in constant pain, drugged to quiet her down, won't eat, cries all the time. I wonder where my strong, independent friend went. I cry because there's nothing I can do. I have to step aside and let her son handle all the important issues. Today even my hands were useless as they caused more pain than help. Old peole have such perspective on l ife, but in the end, the truth is they are scared. THey need to be listened too, soothed, calmed, hugged. I'm reminded that last week when Baby Bella was sick, she needed the same thing. Guess it is the human condition.

I'm easily distracted. Even with all Po's reminders I'm sure to miss saying Happy Birthday, so I will start the party a day early. Have a wonderful day. Soak up all the love that will come your way. You deserve it and more. May blessings abound.

terri st. cloud said...

oh mary. that's heartbreaking stuff. just heartbreaking stuff. i'm so sorry. sometimes i just don't know how to hold it all....

thanks on the birthday wishes. i know for sure i'm gonna feel the gratitude for what i have now. who knows what's down the road, so i'm celebrating now!