self compassion

i wonder why self compassion is such a new thing for me.
it doesn't seem as if it should be as foreign a concept as it is.
i mean seriously, i  don't know anyone who just has that just
naturally come to them....and that seems like such a shame.

but at last i'm starting to step into it more and more.
i guess i need to be grateful for that.

i was thinking about my life and the things that had happened in it
and the things i wished i had done differently.

and then, instead of beating myself up about it all,
i stopped and said 'look where you were with that. look at what you
were feeling and the place you were in.'

and when i did, i could honestly feel compassion for myself.
do you need some sort of understanding to have compassion?
i'm thinking you must.
and what a good good feeling to allow yourself understanding of
your actions.

to not have to judge, punish or shame yourself.
to just allow yourself understanding.
it is a space that compassion seems to easily flow into.

well, then, i decided to run with it all.
or maybe actually drive with it all.
i took a drive and decided to go thru my life and let some of the
times i felt shame or 'being bad' come up and just see if i could
understand what was going on with me at the time.

sure enough, those moments came right up easily. starting from way young
all the way up to now.

each time i allowed myself understanding of my actions.
and each time i could feel a deep sense of gratitude for that.
part of me was thankful the other part understood.

how totally crazy is that?! but that's what it felt like.
and it felt healing.

ah, so much unnecessary baggage....if we could only see who we are
and understand that who we are is really really okay.