inner parts

i am the first one to tell  you i don't know much of anything.
and absolutely no expert on any topic.

thing is....i'm also really quick to figure other people know more than i do -
especially the ones who stand out as leaders.
and that's not okay.
i need to trust some of the stuff i know inside me.
and i need to be willing to claim those things.

and it's with that thought in mind, i offer this blog.

i read a book a few years ago by one of those leaders in the field of
spiritual kinda things.
and she said something in the beginning about not believing in the whole
inner child thing. i debated even finishing reading....think i did, but i tell ya,
that really did me in. i didn't like the way she just wrote it right on off.

cause here's the thing.....i KNOW that i have an inner child in me.
maybe not everyone does - altho i would guess they do, but since there's
no way for me to know, i won't decide. just hope they do. (cause i think it's
way way cool.)

but i know i do. and i didn't know it until i was in my forties.
i honestly had no idea.
and now i look and wonder how on earth i couldn't have known!!
so, her dismissing it kinda helped egg me on in claiming it.

i have a friend who's way more healthy than she realizes.
she's not only in touch with her inner child -
she's in touch with her inner children!

and she talks freely with me about that.

and i smile and think how refreshing that is.

how could we really think we're just one steady solitary being inside our bodies?
how can we not see that we have many many different parts inside us?
you don't have to call them your inner children...

you can maybe identify your insecure part, your bold part, your competent part,
or your part that falls apart at certain things in your life.

there are times one part is in total control, something happens, and another steps in
and it's like you're just different.

it makes such sense to me that we're not just one thing.
that we're fluid and changing and timeless and always the same....
yeah......that actually makes sense to me.

and i think we limit ourselves by thinking we're just one thing.
by not seeing those parts and working with them and honoring them.

my friend recently said she felt hollow and was not feeling really there.
but she was saying the things she needed to say and putting on the face she needed to wear.

i know that one all too well.
and when i get that way, i think a lot of times there's parts of me that need attention.
for me, it's my inner child.

that part of me is scared, or tired, or worn down or feeling not seen. and goes missing.
and in that 'going missing' i begin to feel hollow.

and it's not a natural thing for me me yet to say 'oh, have i been paying attention to all of me?'
no....i usually have to feel hollow or bad for awhile before it dawns on me that
there's things i need to check inside myself. parts of me i need to call out and check in with.

i used to feel too weird talking about it. preface this kinda talk with all kindsa apologies
for the weirdness of it all.

but i'm thinking it's not weird.
it's normal.
only we never talk about it, we don't know about it, we don't learn about it.
we dismiss it or believe people who 'know more than we do' that this stuff is nonsense.

and then if we do dabble with this, and pay attention, we feel crazy.

no.
i don't think so.
not doin' that anymore.

it makes too much sense to me.
feels too healthy and right when i work with myself that way.
causes no harm, and seems to create harmony.

i was inspired by my friend feeling kinda lost with it all right now.
wanted to write this to kinda proclaim - you're not crazy -
we're all wonderfully mixed up.
you're just way more aware than many.
and that's a good thing!

here's to inner children, inner teens, and all the different parts we carry
around each day!