Thursday, October 10, 2013

lessons and reminders

some months back my partner and i blundered our way into
one of our biggest  messes ever.

we were both taken by complete surprise,
and neither one of us were really prepared for where it dragged us.

eyes wide in amazement, wondering if we were really gonna make it thru,
it was just too crazy to even comprehend.

and to try to talk about it with anyone? oh gosh, it sounded too stupid,
unbelievable and crazy. so i just didn't. and i honestly wondered if it would
be the end of us, despite our commitment to each other.

was this really something we couldn't figure out?
could this werido crazy thing that caught us by surprise really conquer
all the work we'd done together??

i think there was the initial terrible stuff - where every conversation made it worse.
and then at some point there was the throwing up of hands where we had
to decide if we'd let this kill us or not,
and then the complete confusion on what to do.

we opted for just loving each other and seeing if we could resolve it later.

sounds nice...but...
that haunted me a bit.
that's not my usual way of working.
but i could see no other option if we were going to stay together.
and i knew our love was deep.
and so we traveled on.
and things got better.
then good again.
then real good.
strong deep good.
stronger than ever good.

but in the back of my head i worried about this thing we hadn't resolved.
we both knew it was there, mentioned it just a couple of times but never held it
again together.

and as we went along and got stronger and stronger,
we got so strong it started coming to my mind more and more.
i could hear it nudging me.
and i began to look at it again.

and i could see my part in it really clearly.
and i felt differently.
well.......part of it i felt the same about.
that didn't change.
but HOW i wanted to handle it changed.
i could see how i could offer my deepest love and honor who he was,
and it felt right. not like any kinda 'giving in or giving up' -
it felt like it was something i had grown into.
like i had grown into a new level of love.

and i could see something else -
i could grow into it because of the space we took.
the space he suggested.

and i could see the love and caring in the space.

i believe that space grew me.

and i'm astonished right now. what a cool thing to see.

resolution takes time sometimes.
and to believe in someone so much to know that the resolution will happen -
that is incredible.
i got that gift - that belief - from my partner.
and i gave it in return.

and when i offered my thoughts on it all, and my changes,
he never hesitated - he brought up his part in it as well.
and the holding together happened for real.

yeah, it's one incredible moment of love.
but it's more to me -
it's a lesson in resolution.
it's a lesson in belief.
it's a lesson in trust.
and it's a reminder that space matters.

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