a deal...

it's been a week of being seen
and not being seen.
being heard
and not being heard.
of communication
and miscommunication.

in every direction -
from without and within.

i guess i could say that about every single week i've ever been alive.
couldn't we all?
it's part of being human, isn't it?

i just happened to be feelin' a bit down about some of it.
so i went out to talk to the sky.
i realized that i had done a whole lot of the not seeing as well.
even when it came to my own self.

i also realized there had been some really cool moments of
feeling seen - and of seeing others.
there had been some really wonderful moments of communication
and hearing.....

and i had a choice as to which stuff i wanted to focus on.

i made myself a deal -
go ahead, ter, you can feel weary right now.
that's okay.
go ahead and do that.
but turn your thoughts to the connecting moments of your week.
hold the gifts you got from those around you who saw you and let you know.
think of the beauty of offering that back that you got to experience.
do all that while at the same time you allow yourself to be weary.

seeming like a pretty fair deal, i agreed.

and then i smiled.
it took like a split second of turning my thoughts there to realize
i couldn't think those things and feel weary at the same time.

when i turned my thoughts to the other, the weariness came right back in.

i shook my head, and went back to the good stuff -
that had been the deal.
think the good thoughts and allow yourself to be weary.

so i thought the good thoughts,
and even tho weary was allowed to come in,
it didn't seem to want to anymore........