is it possible to work and work and work on your inner stuff.
to stand and to stare at your shame.
knowing you're gonna conquer it.
and then tremble in front of it sure that you'll never get beyond it.
and then run and hide.
and then try to escape.
and then work and work and work.
and fall down.
and then stand up again.
and fall down again.
and stand again.
and come out and work again.
and get angry.
and then so sad.
and then happy.
and then confused.
and then quiet.
and oh so quiet.
so quiet, you start to think you've totally hibernated.
and then you start to hear a whisper.
a whisper in the silence.
there's no question of what it's saying.
and you know it.
even tho you're not sure what that means.
but you know it.
and you nod.
and you open to it.
and you remember something you'd forgotten.
and yet, somehow you never really knew it before.
but maybe you did once long ago.
because somehow you recognize it.
it's brand new and totally familiar all at once.
and then a simple hop out into the cold,
just bringing up the recycling bins,
getting the mail,
looking at the gray sky that's filling
with the upcoming snow....
suddenly out in the middle of the winter,
spring lands inside you
in an entirely new yet old way.
and the echo of the spring birds singing
and the promise of new things growing
and the believing in the beauty that changes can bring...
and the knowing that it's not just FOR you -
but it's inside you as well -
it IS you.
this floods you.
even tho it makes no sense to your head.
but your bones embrace the flood.
your bones understand.
and somehow you know if your bones understand,
nothing else matters.
and your eyes fill with tears.
and your heart fills with belief.
and when the snow starts to fall,
everything inside of you is on fire and yet peaceful.
you're ready to step back into really living again.
is that really possible?
could that have just happened?
will i hold it long enough to become it?
only time will tell......